Handling conflict in an organization or church is part of a leader’s responsibility. As fallen human beings, we are not inclined to submit to authority and are offended when we disagree with others.

In Philippians 4, Paul addresses the theme of unity and deals with a conflict situation in the Church of Philippi. An argument has occurred between two leading members of the church and it is apparently affecting the life of the whole congregation. These verses do not reveal all the details. But we can infer a number of things from Philippians 4:2-3: “I implore Euodia and I implore Syntyche to be of the same mind in the Lord. And I urge you also, true companion, help these women who labored with me in the gospel, with Clement also, and the rest of my fellow workers, whose names are in the Book of Life.”

The two women were key leaders. Verse 3 tells us that they worked alongside Paul and carried some responsibility for the mission of the Gospel. They were members of the same team and fellow leaders. The mention of a third party in the person of Clement probably affirms this situation, as he is most likely a well-known person (a respected leader as well as a partner with Paul) in the congregation. He could be a mediator for them or he could have also been involved in the dispute in a secondary way. The fact that Paul mentions the two women by name shows their personal standing in the community. It also demonstrates that Paul believes that their disagreement, even if it is a minor issue, is no small matter as it affects everybody else!

Notice Paul’s tact in saying the words “I implore” to both women respectively. This shows his neutrality in the matter. He is not siding with any one party but pleading equally with both. It also shows his respect for both leaders in question. We can learn much from the way Paul handled that problem.

Ironically, the name Euodia means “fragrance” and Syntyche means “good fortune.” Do we wonder why very few people chose those names? The names may have good meanings but the women certainly did not live up to them. This is the only time we read about them. It is not a good legacy to be remembered as a quarrelsome pair. They were probably women with strong personalities. Could it be that their dispute was in fact over something quite trivial?

What was Paul’s admonition? Even though we may not be able to know what the two women were disputing about, we know that Paul’s exhortation is simple: Agree with each other in the Lord. In other words, true to the thrust of this epistle, he wants them to practice putting the interests of the other ahead of one’s own. This would be a right way to solve their dispute. The phrase “in the Lord” is added to prove that such agreement may not be possible from human effort. If there is any genuine agreement based on humility and the putting of others first, it is because of the work of God in our lives. In the end, it is the Lord who motivates surprising human behaviors like that of reconciliation between bitter parties.

Perhaps we as leaders can draw out some practical implications in handling conflict. Firstly, conflict is a part of life and we do not need to see it negatively. Not every conflict can be resolved or even needs to be resolved (we can agree to disagree). Both parties can still move on and not be imprisoned by seemingly unresolved conflict. Can we see conflict situations as opportunities to learn wisdom and obedience? In this light, God can use conflict for our good.

Having said that, we should all seek to make peace. How do we achieve this when we face conflict with others?

Look Within
We should start with self-examination. Take responsibility for your own action and your part in the conflict. Remember that when we point a finger at someone, the other four are pointing back at us. Is it a difference of style or a wrong attitude or a prejudice that is causing the conflict in the first place? Remember that some fights are just not worth fighting about. Always look beyond actions to the intentions. Are you or is the other person intending to be difficult? Perhaps his character needs some refining. Perhaps you need to be more understanding.

Look Ahead
The next thing we can do is to look ahead to see what can be done to resolve the conflict. Can you take the first step? Matthew 5:24 suggests that we should make the first move. It takes humility but someone has to be more humble if we want to resolve a difference! Acts of kindness will generate reciprocity of kindness. Sometimes this step may mean constructive confrontation (Mt 18:15). Talk it out in a calm but firm way, without blaming or shaming. If both sides can see each other’s point of view, we can make progress. However, if you are actually looking forward to the confrontation, you are poised to kill, so beware. If you want respect, you must first show respect.

Look Around
It is always good to call on others to help mediate a conflict if the two of you are not able to do it properly. The church is the place where we can settle our differences in the spirit of Christ. Get a third party who is uninvolved and well respected. Paul did not take sides but dealt fairly with the two contentious women in the church. Nowadays, apart from pastors, we have trained counselors and mediators who can help. With such professionals around, leaders should not be stumbling and groping in darkness during a conflict situation.

Look Upwards
Our attitude should be submission to God and our aim should always be peace with others, even unbelievers (Rom 12:17-18; 1 Cor 10:31-11:1). Forgive and forget is how God has dealt with us. Can we not do likewise with others who have offended us?

Indeed, being leaders requires us to set an example in the Christ-like way we handle conflict situations as well as helping fellow leaders to resolve their differences. It is a tall order but we can surely learn from Paul in the above case.

Michael Tan is the Executive Vice-President of Eagles Communications. He likes to preach, write, play the guitar, and manage his staff!

The New King James Version of the Bible has been referenced.