Every person goes through a stage of life where they are aware of their “singleness.” For too many, it is a stage of life to be raced through as quickly as possible, to reach the “ultimate stage” of being in a relationship. Too few embrace singleness as a gift from God (1 Cor 7:7) to be enjoyed in all its fullness: entering into it with excitement at the opportunity to totally and completely fulfill the will of God whilst loving God with ALL their heart, even the part that longs for a relationship, and being loved by Him.

Paul emphasized that his ideal would be that everyone would remain single as the time is short here on earth, and so be free to completely devote our lives to the Lord and not have our hearts divided or weighed down by the cares of this world. There is a freedom in the single life that is so rarely focused on. “I am saying this for your benefit, not to place restrictions on you. I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best, with as few distractions as possible” (1 Cor 7:35 NLT).

Perhaps we too often associate being single with being lonely. 1 Corinthians 7:1 AMP states that “it is well [and by that I mean advantageous, expedient, profitable, and wholesome]” to be single. How can any of that infer loneliness? I do not believe loneliness is what God ever intended.

It would seem that the vision of singleness as being “advantageous, expedient, profitable and wholesome” has escaped us in a society where the culture of the world and often churches too promote the vision of being incomplete without an exclusive relationship with the opposite sex.  Sadly, churches apply so much teaching to marriage and virtually none to being single. They hold up family without embracing those with none, yet the Bible clearly says that God “places the solitary in families” (Ps 68:6 AMP). The emphasis that most churches give only compounds the concept that those who are single are missing out on Divine destiny.

I have never been in a church where singleness is given similar honor, embraced and extolled as a time of destiny and amazing opportunity, as a time that is ordained by God in all its fullness. It is time to bring back honor to those who are single. To bring back teaching that extols and excites people for that time of their life. Too often the teaching is about “saving oneself for marriage,” “dating,” and similar topics – all of which have the implication that singleness is about preparing for marriage instead of it being complete in itself and a time to become the person God created us to be whilst discovering the joy of a relationship with Him. It would seem to me that someone who has been nurtured and envisioned in their singleness will automatically be in a wholesome place should God lead them to marriage. They will also be less likely to rush into relationship after relationship because they are already fulfilled in Him.

If being single equates with being incomplete, then two people coming together to complete each other is a recipe for disaster. One person can never complete another. If they enter a relationship looking for that fulfillment that only God can bring, this will lead to disappointment and more heartbreak or a co-dependent relationship as they cease to be able to function fully without the other person. Whereas a marriage should be of two people God has brought together to compliment and not complete each other, so God is still the rock of their foundation/relationship when the other lets them down.

So then, how do we make being single a positive focus? One thing I did was spend a year as a woman reading the Bible with the focus on what characters God delights in and drawing inspiration from godly women in the Bible whilst learning from the others. I wanted to learn to be a woman who could be like Deborah and be able to prophesy to someone about where they should be and be so confident in it as to even offer to go with them to the battleground. Or to be like Esther and rise to the times God has put me in. I also wanted to learn to be like Ruth who honored the men around her and respected their godly authority, and not be like Jezebel who used her sexuality to bring down a man of God (men can also do a similar Bible study on the godly men in the Bible).

There are other ways to make this a positive focus. For instance, encouraging each other to be true brothers and sisters in Christ, and caring for each other in that way. Encouraging a true relationship with Christ, I cannot express enough that only He can bring you to wholeness, and to a place where like Paul said, “Everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord…”  (Phil 3:8 NLT). When talking about subjects such as dating, we can state the positive rather than the negative (e.g. rather than “no sex before marriage” use “personal purity and integrity, your body being a temple of the Holy Spirit”).

Too often the “killing fields of dating” tear many hearts and it takes a long time to heal. The single years are a time to protect one’s heart and keep it only for the One who is worthy to capture it and keep it safe. The warning in Proverbs 4: 23 to guard our hearts should be noted by everyone. Our hearts belong to our King. They are His throne and His and His alone – this is our vision, to keep them for Him and, should He ask us in the future, to present them whole and undamaged for an earthly bride or bridegroom. Until then, we can have a great time and have a great time living undividedly and fully for God.

God is for us and not against us, He loves you and He values you as you are, for who you are. Song of Solomon 4:9 says “… you have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes…” That is how precious He sees you. I pray you find joy and contentment in all things, through your relationship with Christ.

Daniella Kirk is 24 years old and single. She is currently on the leadership team of Generation 2 Generation, having been in ministry for over 14 years.

The New International Version of the Bible has been referenced unless otherwise stated.