They say that the only constant nowadays is change. Compared to our fathers and grandfathers’ days, the world is changing at an unbelievable pace. Values once held with high regard, like commitment and discernment, are now being treated as little more than options among younger people today. And values once considered questionable, like divorce and pre-marital sex, are hardly worthy of comment because “everyone does it now.”

Against this backdrop also lies the state of marriages today. Holy matrimony has faced a lot of changes, just as cultural and moral values have. The most crucial difference has been in the essence of the institution. Marriage used to refer to the wedding of a man and a woman but now same-sex marriages and transgender unions are becoming common media features.

How men and women view marriage is also steadily and surely changing. Before and during the 1970s, men were often the sole breadwinners in their families and it was common for a man to marry a woman who would spend the rest of her marriage looking after the home and children.

But in the US, UK, and Singapore, more and more women have careers and jobs outside the home – and they often earn more than their husbands. A study by the Pew Research Center in the US, the results of which were released in January this year, states that in 1970, the “typical man did not gain another breadwinner in his household when he married”¹ but married men today now earn less than their wives in many instances.

The study reported that “the superior gains of married men have enabled them to overtake and surpass unmarried men in their median household income.”² The report’s authors stated that a larger share of today’s men, compared with their 1970 counterparts, are married to women with higher education and salaries, and a larger share of women are married to men with less education and income. They said: “In the past, when relatively few wives worked, marriage enhanced the economic status of women more than that of men. In recent decades, however, the economic gains associated with marriage have been greater for men…”³

Ms Stephanie Coontz, research director for the US Council on Contemporary Families, also claimed in a recent report that men are discovering that they need marriage more than women “from the standpoint of physical and mental well-being.”⁴ She attributed men’s willingness to marry “up” as evidence of the fact that marriage was “becoming increasingly important to their economic well-being as well.”⁵ Clinical psychologist Helen Evans, who is in private practice in Chicago, said in The American Thinker that “[marriage is] helpful for men in terms of their health and their overall social well-being. Men who are married live longer.”

In the 1970s and earlier, men in the West and Singapore earned comfortable salaries from manufacturing jobs that did not require higher educational qualifications. The disruption of the education of many men after the Second World War and the other wars and conflicts in Asia forced many countries to rely on a less well-educated workforce as they sought to rebuild after years of destruction.

But as feminism and the baby boom years came and went, more and more women were born and began joining the workforce. Many countries like Singapore and China now have more women than men in their populations.

According to a report by the US National Bureau of Economic Research, the female share of university students has expanded in all 17 member-nations of the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development in recent decades, and women outnumber men in college in almost all rich nations. Unlike in the 1970s, the women in many countries, Singapore included, are now very well educated and many of them hold even better paying positions than their male counterparts. So it seems that marriage benefits men more than women, at least in the health and wealth departments.

With the higher standards of living today, the additional income from your spouse makes an important difference to the quality of life you aim for. The wife’s income also made an important contribution during the recessions, when many men in high paying positions found themselves out of jobs. With the foreign domestic helper now gone, and the wife at work, hubby found himself at home looking after the kids and doing the housework.

With more financial independence than during their mothers’ and grandmothers’ days, it is now not unusual that more women delay getting married or prefer to remain single. Having children does not feature as highly as it used to as many of these women reportedly are more and more comfortable with adoption or the childless lifestyle. A recent Korean newspaper report stated that more Korean women were putting off marriage as many of the men they dated were unwilling to do housework or put in their fair share of household duties.

The gender reversals in marriage now can put the issue of Christian submission in marriage to the test. If the wife earns more, or is the sole breadwinner, how does this affect her role with respect to her husband if she thinks her financial independence enables her to question or disagree with her husband?

A closer examination of the Scripture gives the clear perspective. The apostle Paul told believers to “submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Eph 5:21) and told wives to “submit to your husbands as to the Lord” (Eph 5:22) in respect to their positions as “the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church…” (Eph 5:23). He also highlighted how men and women should not be independent of each other “in the Lord” (1 Cor 11:11), and that they were “no longer two, but one” once married (Mt 19: 6), thus making any idea of unilateral decision making an inappropriate one.

So submission here should not be construed as blind obedience to every whim and fancy of the husband, but instead a healthy acceptance and discussion of the other party’s views and opinions before making an informed decision.

The wife can also be reassured that the Apostle had advice for the husband too, for he tells them that they, in turn, ought to “love their wives as their own bodies…” (Eph 5:28). The apostle Peter also told husbands to “be considerate” with their wives and “treat them with respect” because they were heirs of the “gracious gift of life” and so that their prayers would not be hindered (1 Pet 3:7).

If marriage was just for the guys, why are the numerous lists of women signing up to meet marriageable men not gone yet from our computers and newspapers? God’s Word tells us how marriage began when He saw that Adam needed a suitable “helper,” which led to Eve (Gen 2:20-24), and how it is His will for all men and women (1 Cor 7:2-4). God can also work through marriage to bring His unsaved children back to Himself (1 Cor 7:12-16).

While today’s man gets an economic and health boost by tying the knot, the wedding ring gives that fortunate woman companionship, love, and a best friend. “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD” (Prov 18:22).

References
1. Fry, Richard and D’Vera Cohn. “New Economics of Marriage: The Rise of Wives.” PewResearchCenter Publications. January 19, 2010. http://pewresearch.org/pubs/1466/economics-marriage-rise-of-wives (accessed May 8, 2010).
2. Ibid.
3. Ibid.
4. Roberts, Sam. “More Men Marrying Wealthier Women.” The New York Times. January 18, 2010. http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/19/us/19marriage.html (accessed May 8, 2010).
5. Ibid.

Arulnathan John works for Singapore Press Holdings, and worships at Acts Centre, a daughter congregation under St Andrew’s Cathedral. He loves to read, go to the movies and the theatre, chat on the Internet, and keep his mind open to new experiences.

The New International Version of the Bible has been referenced.