You’re about to discover six ideas on how to avoid sabotaging your self confidence and how you can become your own best mate. To do so means taking charge of how you think about your strengths and weaknesses.

Six 10 Percent Tips To Avoid Sabotaging Your Confidence

1. Accept that “flaws are us”

Your background, upbringing, culture, and education can all communicate a message that on one level seems both noble and desirable: “Be good. Do the best you can.” That seems fine, and I endorse those statements. But along with them, perhaps unspoken, are the following messages: “You’re not good enough, you’re not as good as…” Sometimes we can be left feeling that no matter what we do or what we achieve, we’ll never quite arrive.

Some people embark on a never-ending search to find a quick fix to their problems. They listen to the latest guru, who they place on a pedestal marked “hope.” And they feel good. Then slowly over time the good feelings fade and fade until a new fix is presented to them.

And so the cycle continues. And you know what? Deep down we know we will never win the game because no matter how hard we try, we fall short. The truth is…when you play the game “Be Perfect,” you will always end up on the losing team.

We’ve failed to admit to one simple truth. A truth that many self help books don’t want us to realize. We’re flawed. And guess what? That’s OK.

It’s OK not always to be OK. That doesn’t mean that we don’t need to improve, to stretch ourselves. It’s simply a recognition that part of what makes us human is our flaws and we can be both flawed and fantastic.

Just three words: flawed and fantastic. But when we embrace and accept that description of ourselves, it can make a big difference to our self-esteem.

2. Go easy on the boxing glove

I often highlight the impact of your inner critic. That’s the voice inside your head that highlights your weaknesses and undermines your confidence. The voice may echo an angry parent, a critical teacher, a teasing classmate or a disappointed God.

As a visual illustration, I use a big red boxing glove that represents this voice and how you use it to beat yourself up. It might prove difficult to remove the glove permanently, but it’s possible for the punches to become more like occasional gentle taps. These “hits” can be seen as mild rebukes of when you may have fallen short, but they no longer need to be a barrage of incessant blows.

Take a kinder and more compassionate approach to how you see yourself. And in turn, you‘ll probably start to take a more compassionate view of others.

3. Perform plastic surgery on your mind

There is tremendous power in what you say to yourself. Words can both limit and liberate you. Just as people pay to have their appearance changed with a face lift, you can perform your own form of plastic surgery. Your focus here is on your internal world. Surgery often requires the cutting away of excess flesh or the injection of botox. When performing surgery on your own mind, discover what language and phrases to “cut out” and what to inject in their place.

Words to cut out of your vocabulary when describing yourself:
“I’ll never be any good at…”
“I’ll never be able to change the way I am.”
“I’m always making that mistake.”
“I’ll never find anyone who loves me.”
These phrases or any similar ones are now banned from your vocabulary. Forever.

Inject the following phrases into your vocabulary:
“I have the ability to improve from where I am now.”
“I recognize I have some failings and I am still an OK person.”
“I recognize and value the many qualities that I have.”
“I can handle this.”

Reread the list of phrases and choose three that you will write down and repeat to yourself at least ten times every day for the next thirty days. You can even write your own positive phrases and say them like you believe it.

The truth is: Besides God – if you believe in God – the most important person you will ever talk to is yourself.

Choose three phrases, that’s all. It might only make a ten percent difference – but a small change in what you say to yourself can make a big difference to how you see yourself.

4. Get a grip of the wheel

Some people’s life is like a car journey, except that they believe someone or something else is in the driving seat. That could be: their boss, their parents, the government, fate.

Whatever or whoever it is, it’s not you. If you believe you are where you are in life because of other people or luck or fate, you’re deceiving yourself. It’s your car. Get a grip of the wheel and start driving it. Quit the excuses. No more blaming.

The destination of your life is in your hands. If it’s not, then you have allowed other people to determine your destiny. You might not have realized that before but you do now. Harsh? Well, sometimes the truth hurts. But it’s still the truth.

Here’s the score. No one grew in self confidence by placing their backside squarely and firmly in the passenger seat of their life. So change seats if you have to and get both hands on the wheel of your life.

5. Quit waiting to feel confident

How did you learn to ride a bike? Did you use positive affirmation to help yourself? Probably not. So what did you do? Got on the bike and started to pedal.

Hopefully you had someone’s help, but there came a point when you were riding that bike on your own. And it was at that moment that you truly became confident in your ability to ride a bike. In other words, your feelings of confidence came after, not before your action. That’s an important lesson to learn. You can often reduce your anxiety before an event, but you can’t always expect to feel totally confident. And that’s OK.

The truth is: If you’re waiting for the right feeling before you take the right action – you could be waiting a long time.

Nerves are normal. So too is not always feeling totally confident before you do something. That’s a good thing. Where are the challenges and thrills in life if you have to feel complete confidence before you do anything?

6. Weigh up but don’t be weighed down by criticism

Most people can find criticism challenging. And we usually choose one of the following responses:

• Ignore it.
• Dwell on it – an understandable response, particularly if your feelings have been hurt.
• Be defensive – particularly if you feel the criticism is unjustified.
• Wait a while and then weigh it up – this might be easy to advise others to do, but not what comes naturally to most of us, myself included.

It’s the fourth response I want to focus on. It might not be easy to do, but it’s a sign of emotional maturity and self confidence when we’re prepared to do it.

Here are some really useful questions to ask when weighing up criticism:

How valid is that comment?
What were the other person’s motives for giving it?
What part of the criticism (if any) could I agree with?
Although natural, how is my defensive response helping this situation?
Would I do anything differently next time?

It is not easy to receive criticism. It can erode your confidence. But criticism can also be a gift if you choose to weigh it up and learn from it. It could contain an insight that helps you achieve your goal. A small nugget of truth could make all the difference.

Paul McGee is a well known international speaker and author. He has spoken in twenty countries and is the author of bestseller, S.U.M.O. Shut Up, Move On. This article is an extract of his latest book Self-Confidence: The Remarkable Truth of Why a Small Change Can Make a Big Difference. He can be contacted at sumo@paulmcgee.com or via his website www.PaulMcGee.com.