A few years back, a young man in his 20s sent me a photo with the caption, “Looking On.” The photo captured me (his mentor) looking at him with joy and pride.

As his youth pastor, he grew up under my leadership. I remembered him as a typical teenager – cheeky, arrogant, obnoxious, always pushing the boundaries. I often wondered if he would turn out right. The years have passed, and today, he has turned out to be a godly man with an aspiration to become a youth pastor to impact the next generation of young people; a desire to settle down and be a loving husband; and an eagerness to start a family and be an inspiration to his own children. In one of those opportune heart to heart, deep-felt sharing moments, he revealed to me that I was one of his role models in his growing up years. He had come from a broken family and had to contend without a father figure at a young age. And I had the privilege to play a role in shaping him into the man he is today.

Looking on, this fine young Christian man is still looking up to me as his role model; learning, imitating, and modeling after my own walk with God. Observing and mimicking my leadership style. Watching me fulfill my role as a husband and scrutinizing the way I father my kids! What an honor!

Young men tread into turbulent waters as they transit into adulthood. When they enter the workforce, they face many challenges and uncertainties. They find themselves hard pressed to be godly men in an ungodly world. Living out their faith seems insurmountable and applying theology becomes an uphill task. It does not take them long to find out that it is not as simple as the preacher puts it every Sunday. They wonder if one can really live out a godly life in the marketplace.

If God has set their biological clocks correctly (and I am very sure He has), this is also the time they begin dating seriously. As they search for their better halves to settle down and start a family, their journeys into adulthood rise by another notch. Even as they race against their biological clocks, at the back of their minds, they wonder if they are ready to be the spiritual leader of the family. How should they lead their wives as the priest of the family? And if children come along, how should they parent their children in a God honoring manner? How do they balance between their career, family, and church?

Many young men I know become disconcerted at this point of their lives. They need encouragement and the counsel of those who are older than them. Essentially, they look up to someone who has been there and done that. Someone who understands their struggles of adulthood and their evolving roles as the man of the household, the husband, and father. They need role models whom they can look up to, who can inspire them to live godly lives. However, I have come to a point of realization that just by virtue of being older, or even being married for that matter, will not necessarily mean that a person will make a good role model. The question is: how then should older men be role models for younger men?

I have learned that the young men who approach me to be their mentor appreciate certain qualities in a mentor. First – Authenticity! They are not looking for a perfect man because they know he does not exist. Personally, I think they appreciate interaction with a mentor who is willing to be real to them. I live by the slogan: “What you see is what you get.” I do not fake who I am and who I am not. I get real with them. In all honesty, I share with them my strengths, my victories, and my achievements. Beyond honesty, I pour out to them my weaknesses, my inertias and ineptness in my ministry, and my struggles as a husband and a father. They appreciate that I do not act “holier than thou” in front of them. They know that they are looking up at someone who has walked this path and understands what they are going through.

Second – Integrity! They appreciate me as a role model who walks the talk. These young men can spot a hypocrite almost immediately and trust me, they are put off by them. They look up to someone who is true to their words. I asked one of the young men I mentored what makes me his role model and integrity was singled out. He said that I practiced what I preached and delivered what I promised. I have to confess that I am not always consistent but I do make a conscious effort. I think I know why young men feel that having a role model who demonstrates integrity is crucial. They want to be men of integrity themselves, therefore it is natural for them to be attracted to men who demonstrate this virtue.

Third – Christ-likeness. These young men are not just looking for any role model. They seek mature, godly role models; those who walk with Christ, living out the fruits of the Spirit. As mentors, we are merely reflecting Christ in our lives in the hope that those who look to us will mimic Christ-likeness in us. We need to keep growing as Christ’s disciples if we are going to be effective role models. If we are going to inspire young men to be godly men, they need to see the Christ-likeness in us.

In my years of ministry with young adults, I have strived to be a role model for the men in a few general areas. First, in my role as a brother in Christ. Young men need to learn how to treat someone of the opposite sex with proper respect. With social values changing and becoming more liberal, pre-marital sex is a real struggle. Christian men need to protect the purity of their sisters in Christ. Second, in my role as a husband. The union of a Christian couple is reflective of the relationship between Christ and the Church. Sadly, there is a growing trend of Christian husbands being unfaithful to their wives. It is crucial that men do not take the easy way out when they encounter marital issues. They need to learn to honor the vow they took before God. Third, in my role as a father. Fathers play a crucial role in nurturing their children holistically. It is good if young men can witness someone modeling the father and child relationship. A young adult told me that when he becomes a father, he wants to be a father like me. I have modeled for him what a father should be like and have inspired him to be a good father.

The world we live in is a fallen one. Every day we are bombarded by news of politicians, movie stars, and sportsmen cheating on their wives, hankering after more wealth and power. Moral values are deteriorating and even the church is not spared! Men are falling morally and walking out of their marriages and families. What really saddens me is that this phenomenon is rising in the Church. However, hope is not lost. The next generation of men can be godly leaders, faithful husbands, and loving fathers. We have an obligation to be effective role models for them. It is time for us, older men, to get our act together, to be good examples, and inspire others to become godly men. We need to do more than dream dreams. Let us roll out the carpet and turn on the spotlights and cameras! It is time for male role models to sashay down the runway!

Rev Ronald Yow is an ordained minister with the Assemblies of God Church, serving as the head of children and youth ministry in Grace Assembly. He has been married to his wife Jean for ten years and they have two children, Carissa and Annabel.