“Who will love me for me? Not for what I have done or what I will become. Who will love me for me? Cause nobody has shown me what love, what love really means” – Love Me by J.J. Heller

I believe one of the ultimate longings of women’s hearts is the need to be known in the purest form; known for who we are and understood in the deepest areas of our lives. Then, when we are known, to be loved and accepted unconditionally.

As we get older, who we are, what we believe, and how we behave transforms as our experiences of life and people change. Our joy, excitement, openness, and honesty can so easily be turned into doubt, mistrust, uncertainty, and masks, as we try to be who we think people want us to be, so we can feel the love of popularity or so we do not have to face the sting of rejection.

This brings young women to the question, “Where do we put the longing of our heart and who can it be trusted to?”

So often we try to answer that question ourselves and entrust that longing to the people around us: to our parents, siblings, extended family, friends, and then the opposite sex. Yet, while they are all created to fill a need in our lives, they cannot and were not created to complete us and entirely fill that longing. So we can end up hurt and let down and so move onto the next person or next thing that may look satisfying and could fill that need our hearts are crying out for.

As I write this article, I have in mind the teens I have who are on the edge of, if not in the middle of, the transition to becoming young women of God. All of them are in so very different situations, with differing personalities, struggles, and walks with God but each of them have that same heart’s desire.

As I have gotten to know them through having fun with them, listening to them, and hearing their hearts as they speak, I see in each of them the woman God is calling them to be. Yet in a world that is so hurried and demanding, it is easy to forget how to accept the process and enjoy the moment we are in, especially when that moment is tough, but those are the moments we grow the most and learn more about ourselves. It is my joy and challenge to walk through these moments with my girls, to see them rise and fall and be able to point them to the unconditional love and acceptance Jesus is offering.

It is our privilege as Godly women to be able to pour into these girls’ lives and be role models to them of Jesus. We need to be able to say to them as Paul said, “be imitators of me, as I am of Christ” (1 Cor 11:1, ESV). The beginning of that is to make sure we are solid in our own relationship with Jesus and be constantly looking to Him for guidance. We need to be able to accept them unconditionally as Christ accepts us, and be a safe place for them to come to, just as Jesus opened up His life to the disciples. No matter what mistakes they made, He always had love and grace for them and gave them opportunities to try again, each on their own journey through life.

In walking hand in hand with these girls, it has been possible to challenge them in love as they grow secure in the fact that Jesus and I want what is best for them. To see them rise to the challenge of becoming like Esther or Deborah, unafraid to be different with a bold message and ready to be His warriors before the enemies of a world that want to capture their hearts and rob them of the security, joy, love, and peace in being His bride.

Loving them as they are with all their different challenges, including the times they “mess up” can ground them in the grace “that brings salvation… teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self controlled, upright, and godly lives in this present age” (Tit 2:11-12). It can also ground them in the fact that God loves and accepts them just as they are. This is the security that can help them be anchored in Him and trust their affections to Him to be their all in all.

Their differences mean that we need to see and relate to them as individuals. Formulas will not work, programs <em>cannot</em> meet each heart’s cry – only deep, committed Christ-like relationship can. Jesus is drawing to Himself – from the world’s artificial love and satisfaction, young women and girls from every situation. These are two examples of them, both equally loved and valued by their Bridegroom:

Jane is a 17 year old from a Christian family, knowing the security of a close family with parents that love each other. She has an extended family and a close knit circle of friends. Since young, she has known security in God as it has been modeled by family and friends. As she enters the transition of leaving teenage years and becoming a young woman, the struggles that hormones envelop her in are grounded in having secure places to talk through the values and vision she holds for her life. Through the changes of leaving one educational establishment to figuring out and moving towards her life goals in college, university or whatever else God leads her to, through the pull of peer pressure and being surrounded by materialistic peers, she is handling the things that life throws at her through her own very deep and real relationship with Jesus. She does not need to fight to be heard, shout to be listened to or act out to be noticed – she knows where her security and allegiance lie. When people relate in the way God intended them to, they create an environment for emerging young people to grow in security. Living in a fallen world, no one totally has what God intended but Jane has had what so many others long for and is emerging into a young woman who, like the young man Timothy, is open to the input of others and is making it a goal to not let anyone look down on her by living in love, purity, and faith (1 Tim 4:12).

It has been my joy to spend many hours with her inputting into her life, just as Paul did with Timothy, and marveling in the young woman she is becoming.

Then there is Sally. Sally comes from a broken family, has been let down, abused, and without the true life of the Kingdom being modeled to her. The reflection of God that she should have had from her parents and those around her is tainted with brokenness. The hurt in her heart has led her into lesbian relationships and as she struggles out of that snare she has flung her heart towards boys in an effort to secure their approval and love to fill the gap that should have been filled by family and a relationship with Jesus. Friends have tried to mold her into their image for popularity, boys and even girls have offered sex as a solution. Her world and trust is broken and her heart’s longing and cry that should have been sent to her heavenly Father was taken and twisted so that what she should get from God she tried to get from people. Her innocence was taken, dragging her further away from the One whose arms were there for her from the foundation of the world resulting in her being insecure in God and in life in general.

Just as it had been with Jane, it has been my joy to spend time with Sally marveling at the young woman she is becoming as she slowly learns to trust God as He draws her to Himself and lets her know that He has good plans for her (Jer 29:11). Our ultimate aim is for her to have such a deep and intimate relationship with Jesus, to know that she is loved by Him and in return loves Him, hears and obeys His voice, and walk confidently with Him knowing that no matter how many times she has turned to others to fill her deepest heart’s cry, His grace is always there to take her back and help her get it right next time.

These girls are very different but they have the same heart cry. They want to be loved and accepted for who they are. They have different lives, different challenges, and are at different stages in their relationship with Jesus but this is not a race to see who wins or an exam to see who finishes top – it is about relationships with their Bridegroom and the people He loves.

Each young woman will experience life changes that will form them according to how they respond to them. As we prepare these teenagers to emerge into amazing, secure young women of God, let us never undermine the importance of the time and commitment we give them. If their world is secure and their anchor is Jesus, they can walk through their teens to be all He created them to be, with vision for their lives that will affirm their value to Him. It is our privilege and honor to be their friends and spiritual parents and lead them to His unconditional passionate love for them as He says to them:

“I will love you for you. Not for what you have done or what you will become. I will love you for you. I will give you the love, the love that you never knew.” – Love Me by J.J. Heller

Daniella Kirk is currently on the leadership team of Generation 2 Generation, having been in ministry for over 14 years with her mother, Daphne, and her brother Andrew.

The New International Version of the Bible has been referenced unless otherwise stated.