In social anthropology, polygamy is simply defined as “the practice of marriage to more than one spouse at one time.” Many Christians are in a state of confusion and uncertainty as to what the Bible teaches, does not teach or is silent on the subject of the practice of polygamy.

Polygamy may be abhorrent to most Christians, but in the Asian community it is considered common or even normal and acceptable. There are plural marriages in other parts of the world as well. Although the percentage of men in the world who have more than one wife is relatively small, as many as a third of the world’s population belongs to communities and faiths that allow this practice.

Polygamy still exists in some form among upper class members of some societies. Traditionally, it was not uncommon for wealthy Chinese men to have two, three or even four wives. One of the reasons is that there is traditional emphasis on procreation and the continuity of the family name. It is considered shameful or accursed if the wife is barren and does not bear children, especially sons. The man then marries another wife in order to perpetuate the descendants of the family. The wives have different duties and often shared responsibilities raising their children. Multiple wives or mistresses are also the standard trappings of the wealthy, powerful, and successful. Polygamy often becomes a status symbol denoting these expressions. Some men who could not find sexual satisfaction from their spouses or have strong sexual desires sought extra-marital affairs. Some men are just promiscuous.

Even in societies which formally prohibit polygamy, social opinion is indifferent on persons maintaining mistresses or engaging in serial monogamy. This traditional mindset continues to exist in developed society. The trend is gaining popularity, minus the formal and official marriage. Christians have been facing a varied magnitude of challenges regarding the issue of polygamy. This will never cease as long as Christians live their faith based on emotion, human rationalization, and not on strong personal conviction of what is morally right.

One of the tough questions confronting us today that needs serious examination is: “Is it right for a Christian who was married to two or more wives before conversion, to continue having the wives and still be responsible in providing for them?”

Some reactions against it or for it are purely emotive; in ways unknown, this subject touches deep personal issues. The basic problems causing this confusion can be reduced to the loss of biblical discipline, knowledge of the Scriptures or wisdom in dealing with each situation.

In attempting to deal with this issue objectively from an evangelical view point, we need to make a few assumptions and observations:

• While there were instances of polygamy recorded in the Old Testament, evangelicals reiterate the stand for monogamy as opposed to polygamy (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:6).
• There are no standard or general or straight forward solutions to every situation related to the issues faced by the polygamists. Each situation is different and requires situational ethics and biblical discipline.
• The situation must be assessed from whether it happened before or after their conversion. Biblical commands cannot be imposed or applied on persons who were not Christians.
• The biblical knowledge on the issue of marriage, divorce, and re-marriage as stated in the New Testament such as Matthew 5:31-32; 19:3–12; Mark 10:11-12; 1 Corinthians 7:10-17 is essential and needs to be considered when dealing with the issue from a biblical perspective.

Allow me to illustrate with a case study. Mr A, who was a non believer, married two women Madam B and Madam C. In August 2010, Mr A together with his first wife Madam B came to the saving grace of our Lord Jesus Christ at a church evangelistic meeting, but not his second wife Madam C (I intentionally created this situation of only one wife becoming Christian). He continues to live with the two wives under one roof.

The following are some probable suggestions or comments made by different individuals, including spiritual leaders:

• How can Mr A have two wives if he is a Christian? He is living in sin!
• Mr A should choose and live with his first wife, now that they are equally yoked.
• He cannot abandon either of them. He should continue to give them equal attention and to divide his time between the two. One pastor suggested that days 1, 3, and 5 to be given to the first wife; and days 2, 4, and 6 to the second wife. (He will have to sleep in the lounge on Sunday!)
• Mr A should opt for the one he loves most (that was the reason why he decided to remarry).
• He should choose celibacy as a way of avoiding sin (very unlikely this would happen).

Mr A has now experienced a new life! What happens now after his conversion? How should he respond to his present situation? What necessary and appropriate steps need to be taken? Based on my understanding of Scripture, Mr A should break away from his pre-conversion lifestyle. He should choose to live with only ONE wife of his ultimate choice. However, he should not DIVORCE any one of them. Mr A has the responsibility to fulfill all the other needs of the other wife and her dependent family members.

It is too presumptuous to conclude Mr A has committed sin, just by looking at his present situation. The pertinent question we need to ask is, “When did this polygamy happen, before or after conversion?” In this instance, his polygamist lifestyle happened before conversion. A non believer may not have the knowledge of the Scripture; neither can he be compelled to follow the teachings and commands of the Bible. The biblical discipline from 2 Corinthians 5:17 and 1 John 1:9 would precede all human rationale, preferences or prejudices. Upon conversion, Mr A is now a new creation and his past sins have been forgiven. He needs to demonstrate true repentance, i.e., to turn away from the old life of slavery, and to embrace a new life of devotion to Christ based on His teachings and commands.

The appropriate actions and solutions to this long drawn dilemma need to be considered carefully from the perspective of polygamy and divorce as described in the Bible. The premise against polygamy is based on the foundation of His creation when God made man and woman. The Scripture in Genesis 2:24 says that God’s original intention was for one man to be married to only one woman: “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his WIFE, and they will become ONE flesh” (emphasis mine). The consistent use of the singular should be noted.

Ephesians 5:22-33 specifically describes an ideal marital relationship. When referring to a husband (singular), it always also refers to a wife (singular). “For the husband is the head of the wife (singular)…He who loves his wife (singular) loves himself. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife (singular), and the two will become one flesh…each one of you also must love his wife (singular) as he loves himself, and the wife (singular) must respect her husband (singular).”

Therefore, if polygamy is allowed, the entire illustration of Christ’s relationship with His body (the Church) and the husband-wife relationship falls apart. Therefore Mr A has only one option, i.e., ONE wife (herein defines as physical union with only one flesh). The situation at hand can also be understood from the view point of marriage, divorce, and remarriage. Matthew 19:6: “So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate” gives evidence of the indissoluble relationship of the joint lives of man and woman.

Mr A’s polygamy took place before conversion, a situation he created earlier. Legally or biblically, both women are his wives. On the premise of the above verses, as long as the wife is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. Therefore, as a Christian, it is wrong for Mr A to divorce any one of them. Conversely, he is only allowed to have physical intimacy with one.

How would you evaluate the fruit of true repentance for Mr A? Does it mean that he should be reunited with his first wife, who is now a believer? Perceptibly, she is the first wife and scripturally, she is more qualified to be equally yoked with the Christian husband. The instruction given in 1 Corinthian 7 evidently expresses that as long as the wife is willing to remain with the husband, including the non believing wife, he should not divorce her. The pre and post conversion scenarios, therefore, give no space to any one of the wives, to claim who has more right or who is more privileged. The same chapter indicated very clearly that only if one person died, he or she should remarry with one who is in the Lord. Therefore, the conversion of Madam B does not give her the sole right to be reunited with her husband on the basis of being “equally yoked.” The ultimate decision rests in Mr A to choose whom he loves most.

A more complex situation would be: “Should the two wives live under the same roof with Mr A?” Again, one would receive emotive answers. Most would express compassion and fairness, some would consider practicality, and others prefer relational expediency.

My answer is “Not to stay under one roof!” The obligation to provide for the needs of the other wife and her dependent children is not negotiable. But alternate arrangement needs to be made for the following reasons: What would be the perception of non believers in the neighborhood or friends or relatives towards Mr A’s lifestyle? They will continue to perceive him as practicing polygamy. His Christian witness will be in jeopardy.

How would you deal with the potential temptation of sexual sins or adultery? If the wife he consummates with decided to be away from home for two weeks, Mr A may succumb to the temptation of having intimacy with the other wife. Unconsciously, as the opportunity arises, Mr A may continue to live in secret sin. This is adultery as described in the Bible.

How would you handle the emotional and relational tension of the two spouses, and possibly their children? It is difficult to avoid the prevailing stress caused by jealousy, unintentional or intentional competition, and conflict. The preferential treatment or perceived prejudice expressed by the adults may inadvertently be misconstrued as favoritism or discrimination. It would definitely aggravate the relationship of their children as well.

In attempting to assist those involved in this dilemma, we cannot be impulsive and dogmatic. The approach needs to be wrapped with patience, gentleness, mercy, and understanding, especially towards the injured parties. It takes time and requires divine wisdom and spiritual understanding to provide adequate and appropriate pastoral counseling.

Rev Wong Kim Kong was the Secretary-General of the National Evangelical Christian Fellowship of Malaysia for 12 years prior to being named its Executive Advisor. He serves as board member and advisor to 25 Christian organizations and special government committees both in Malaysia and overseas. Kim Kong plays a significant prophetic role in articulating Evangelical Christian responses to government policies impacting religious liberty, the Church and society in Malaysia. In recognition for his national contribution, he was conferred “The Most Distinguished Order of National Chivalry-Third Order” by the Malaysian King. Kim Kong is the author of the book Living and Leading with Limitations. He is married to Serene and has three sons.