So what can we do and who should we turn to when we suffer a setback? I’m known as “The S.U.M.O. Guy” because I teach people to Shut Up, Move On! I show people how to stop thinking and behaving in a way that hinders their success and to move forward with their lives. Some people believe that all we need to do after a setback is: Shut Up, Move On.

However, for many of us, part of the process of moving involves us to have what I term Hippo Time. Hippo Time is when we allow ourselves some time out to wallow (as hippos do in mud) and to acknowledge our frustration, disappointment, and perhaps even anger. We are not robots. We cannot simply turn our emotions on and off at the flick of a switch. What Hippo Time does, is give you the opportunity to experience your emotional lows and to be honest about those feelings.

In order to make Hippo Time a helpful rather than a harmful experience, make sure you avoid three kinds of people:

1. The Hijackers. These are the people who take over your Hippo Time with comments such as “I know how you feel, the same thing happened to me.”

2. The Awfulizers. These people give too much sympathy and make you feel worse about your situation. They say things such as “That’s terrible, you must feel awful.”

3. The Happies. These are the “I’m really positive but I have no grasp of reality” people. You lose your legs in an accident and they smile sincerely and say, “At least you’ve still got your arms.”

How to make Hippo Time a helpful experience?

1. Allow yourself to “feel bad.” It’s actually OK to feel down. Give yourself permission to do so.

2. Be careful who you speak to. Find someone who will listen without feeling obliged to offer advice.

3. Avoid hasty decisions. Allow yourself time to work through your feelings before taking action.

4. Learn from it. Whatever you’ve experienced, from a missed sale to a failed relationship, there is always something to learn.

5. Treat yourself. This does not equate to binge shopping, but a small treat can be the ideal “pick me up.” You’re then in a better frame of mind to move forward.

6. Treat others. Do something positive for someone else for no particular reason. You’ll feel an inner satisfaction for having done so and it prevents yourself from slipping into pity party mode.

7. Change the record. It’s not helpful to tell too many people about your issue. You can end up sounding like a broken record. Remember: to re-tell is to re-live and that is not always helpful.

8. Make space. You may need time simply to be alone with your thoughts, as opposed to talking through your issue with others. Personal alone time may well be the order of the day.

9. Decide on desirable distractions. Perhaps what you need is to stop thinking about your issue altogether. Watch a movie, do some exercise or surf the net. When you do decide to re-focus, you often have a fresh perspective on your situation.

10. Write down your “downs.” Putting your thoughts and feelings down on paper can be a helpful way of off loading and working through your issue. Seeing things on paper can create a sense of clarity as well as being an honest account of how you’re feeling at the time. You’re then in a position to decide how best to move on.

Whichever of the above helps, remember this: Hippo Time is temporary. Successful people make sure they don’t spend too long wallowing and realize that setbacks are temporary, but quitting lasts a life time.

Paul McGee is a well known international speaker and author. He has spoken in twenty countries to date and is the author of S.U.M.O. Shut Up, Move On and Self-Confidence (2nd Edition). Do look out for Paul’s new book How Not To Worry – The Real Truth On How To Worry Less And Enjoy Life More, coming out later in the year. He can be contacted at sumo@paulmcgee.com or via his web site www.PaulMcGee.com.

“Thought leader” is a business jargon for an entity or person that is recognized for having innovative ideas.
The term was coined in 1994 by Joel Kurtzman, editor-in-chief of the Booz, Allen & Hamilton magazine, Strategy & Business. “Thought leader” was used to designate interview subjects for that magazine who had business ideas that merited attention.

How do you leverage social media to elevate your thought leadership status?
1. Streamline Your Content. Choose sites which can position yourself best in respective domains. Keywords must be planned carefully to ensure you come out top within your competition. Prepare a posting schedule to avoid overcrowding of information within a short time.

2. Select Your Platforms. Choose platforms for article directories with good page ranking as well as companies providing information on websites, like Alexa. If you have many presentations on different topics of your forte, Slideshare is a great platform. Twitter is a must for anyone with great inspirations to share every time.

3. Share Your Knowledge. Your own experience is the best user generated content that you can put up to enrich accelerated learning among your followers and peers. Knowledge is everywhere, so why not present it in your own way to establish yourself as a thought leader? Conduct quality surveys regularly to keep abreast of latest trends within your market.

4. Simplify Your Conversations. Gone are the days where we engage in long and senseless discussions on forums. Use Twitter and learn to comment within 140 characters. We need to think, speak, and listen “140” in the social media age. Typically, if you cannot think of saying your personal mission statement in seven words, you will lack a strong personal branding online.

5. Sell Your Expertise. 80% of our forte is knowledge and 20% is our expertise. Make others want to tap in to your expertise after you have shared your knowledge. Customizing your knowledge to their problem with unique solutions is always a sure way to sell.

6. Support Your Community. Be available in as many places as you can initially. You will not know where and who your potential customers will come from. Create a portal of sorts to gather them in one place so that you can do targeted customer engagement in the future. A lot of marketers have no problem generating interest, but sustaining interest is another ball game altogether.

Andrew Chow’s forte is social media, PR, entrepreneurship, creativity, and life and love. He can be contacted on many social media platforms available on his website: www.andrewchow.sg.

1. Be positive not defensive

Objections against the Christian faith and hard philosophical and scientific questions about God, life, and suffering are to be expected. In today’s Internet connected world, Christians and non-Christians have equal access to these perennial questions. We should welcome the opportunity to clarify misconceptions and present rational answers about Christianity. If we are defensive, we come across as aggressive, agitated, and annoyed by the questions and the persons asking them. People do struggle intellectually with the claims of Christianity. Others may have had negative experiences with Christians or church that cause them to be antagonistic.

2. Be confident not arrogant

We are certain that the Christian faith is true. If not, we can become certain by reading about what we believe. The onus is on us to know about our faith and beliefs and not argue out of ignorance. Of course, we do not have to know everything. Nobody does! So honesty is still the best policy. We can show our sincerity by offering to find out answers or referring to someone who may be able to help. Our goal is not to win an argument. As it has been said, we may win an argument and lose a friend. Listening before we speak is a way of telling others that we are interested in their opinions and objections. As one theologian said, “The first duty of love is to listen.”

3. Be logical not emotional

When we come to a dialog with others, we know that reason has at least two veto powers. Firstly, we cannot believe what we know is untrue. And secondly, we cannot love what we believe to be unreal. Deal with the questions logically. One way is to begin with data rather than theories. How do we address data that may contradict each other like the existence of a loving God and the reality of evil and suffering? Many people are unable to reconcile these. But why is it that we need to deny the existence of God to accept the reality of suffering? By logical, we mean that we look at data, clarify definitions and terms and examine the validity of our arguments and the truth of our conclusions. It is not as intimidating as it seems. Of course, some answers, e.g., about miracles and afterlife, may defy logic. As Dr Ravi Zacharias wrote, “God has put enough reason to make believing in Christ a rational act but He has also left out enough reason to ensure that we cannot believe in Christ on reason alone.” Only falsehood can contradict truth, not reason.

4. Be influential not indifferent

Often, we can turn the table around and direct their hostility to curiosity. As writer Dorothy Sayers once remarked, “It’s always startling to discover how many people heartily dislike and despise Christianity without having the faintest notion of what it’s all about.” Former journalist and now teaching pastor Lee Strobel makes a similar observation, “When people are hiding behind a smokescreen, sometimes it’s because they see a downside to Christianity they want to avoid, while at the same time they’re overlooking Christianity’s upside.” We can help others see loopholes in their arguments by asking probing questions that can debunk their views. Of course, we must do this tactfully (difficult if we are emotional). But instead of always answering questions, ask them to defend their positions. We may be able to discern what is really between the lines by their response.

Michael Tan is the Executive Vice-President of Eagles Communications. He likes to preach, write, play the guitar, and manage his staff!

The New International Version of the Bible has been referenced.

It is interesting to note that most of the respondents indicate that time management, distractions, inconsistency, and lack of discipline are top of the list of obstacles they face in maintaining a meaningful and regular devotional life. Most of them would also prefer to pray for at least thirty minutes daily. The place where they prefer to pray in is the office. Some have specific goals like completing a biblical book while others have no specific goals and simply go with the flow. Many have expressed that a sign that one’s devotional life is doing well is having peace and less anxiety in times of trouble, stress, and hectic demands as well as greater appreciation of significant relationships.

Here is some practical help for maintaining a healthy devotional life on the go (seems like an oxymoron as reflection and contemplation need patience and persistence).

Establish The Purpose

Discipline without direction soon becomes a drudgery. In sports, if the athlete does not have a target in mind, he will become listless and futile in his training. As spiritual disciplines train us to become like Jesus, we need to have a purpose before us. It could be to develop character, or some virtues or fruit of the Spirit in our lives. A purpose could be seasonal so that we will not become stagnant and bored with just reading the Bible.

Establish The Pattern

Some of us are morning persons while others are night owls. Although Jesus seemed to follow a pattern of seeking His heavenly Father early in the morning, some of us are just not adept to morning devotions. We come alive in the wee hours of the night. Whatever time of the day or night you are wired to be more reflective, it should be regular.

Establish The Place

A noisy, crowded place can never be a place for a devotional experience. Find a quiet place. That was why Jesus always withdrew to a “solitary place.” The “desert – lonely place” seems to be the primary place of strength for Christ. As Mother Teresa once said, “God is a friend of silence.” The missionary-martyr Jim Elliot was right when he said, “I think Satan has made it his business to monopolize on three elements – noise, hurry, and crowds. He is quite aware of the power of silence.”

Establish The Practice

Just like a physician, practice may not make him perfect but will certainly make him a practitioner in his craft. We need to be transformed and changed by the Word and we need to align our lives to God’s will and this requires “downloads and apps.” To be doers and not just hearers means that we practice what we learn and what we preach. Only then will our devotional life become significant and irreplaceable for our journey as a disciple and a leader for God.

Michael Tan is the Executive Vice-President of Eagles Communications. He likes to preach, write, play the guitar, and manage his staff!

What are the characteristics of a performance driven person?

• Always stressed
• Often down
• Never contented
• Not happy with self and others
• Working all the time and not resting well
• Never staying still, wanting to be involved in every single thing
• Gets a kick out of a challenge
• Constantly thinking of what is next

Being a performance driven person is liken to chasing after the wind (Ecclesiastes). Ask God what to do instead. You cannot do ten things and do them well.

On the other hand, when we are overflowing with grace, we:

• Are comfortable with not doing anything or everything.
• Are OK with not knowing what lies ahead, trusting God fully and not fretting.
• Are able to listen attentively to God and others. Daily devotion is not rushed and able to wait on God.
• Do not feel obliged to do things, secure to know that we are in Christ and do not seek credit. Do not feel the need to prove anything to anyone because we do not feel that there is anything to lose as everything we have is in Christ.
• Do not feel that there is anything to hide as the righteous would be bold as a lion.
• Recognize that our power is in our purity and we walk in moral excellence.
• Are mindful to be humble as God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble, believing that their achievements are a result of others who helped them, and giving credit to God and others.
• Are contented. Godliness with contentment is great gain (1 Tim 6:6). Realize that God has given us everything we need for our present happiness. Learn to give when you do not have and you will be blessed!

How do we overcome performance orientation? Referring to the story of Mary and Martha, Martha accused Jesus of not caring that her sister Mary has left her to do all the serving alone. Martha calls Jesus Lord but accused him unfairly as He is the most caring being in the whole universe. The Bible says that whatever you accuse others of, you practice it yourself. Martha was being the uncaring one – she was jealous because she saw Jesus was giving Mary attention.

There are three things that drive one crazy in his/her Christian life.

• When the authorities (parents, God etc.) do not give you attention. The Lord is the ultimate authority and you need to give Him attention first in order to receive the attention He wants to give you.
• When you are trying to do the work of God with your own power, as in the case of Martha – God is not honored.
• When you are doing something for God that He has never told you to. That is religion where man does what he thinks he should be doing in order to earn his right to be with God. Instead, enjoy spending time with God, like what Mary has done.

Have you chosen the good things which will not be taken away from you? The Bible says to number our days. All things are permissible but not all things are good. Are you choosing the beneficial things or are you just going with the flow? As you seek God, He will show you His grace so that you can walk in the path that He has for you.

You can serve God without knowing Him, whereas if you know Him, you will want to serve Him. More important than serving is actually knowing God.

Because we are the most performance oriented generation in history, we do not readily accept encouragement because we do not feel worthy. But Jesus died for us on the cross because we are of worth. That is our only license, our only way into this grace filled life.

The Bible says that God is able to make all grace abound (i.e., overflow) to you so that in all things, at all times, having all that you need, that you will abound in every good work (work here in Greek means employment). God wants to bless you in your workplace and cause you to walk with a lot of grace at work!

Rachel Ong is an active member at Every Nation Church Singapore and serves in a full-time capacity at Save the Children Singapore. Since 1996, Rachel has overseen the forging of regional partnerships with companies and consortia in Asia, Europe, and the United States. Rachel also serves on various boards.

This is an extract of Rachel’s message delivered at Every Nation Church, Singapore. Used with permission.

The powerful journey we took together – to “quit” the things that really do not belong to God’s Kingdom and embrace the things that do – changed our personal lives, our marriage, and our church

One of the key issues for me related to overfunctioning. Most of us in leadership struggle with this, including myself. Like an archeological tell, the depth of the issue only becomes clearer with time.

Overfunctioning can be defined as: “Doing for others what they can and should do for themselves.” One way to remind yourself to work hard at avoiding this is to remember the following five truths:

1. Overfunctioning disguises itself as caring

Martha disguised her overfunctioning as caring for the needs of others. In trying to accomplish too much, she lost sight of herself and her guest – Christ Himself! She offered hospitality at the expense of herself. Martha confused caring about someone with having to take care of them.

2. Overfunctioning perpetuates immaturity

In Exodus 18, Moses mistakenly believed his self sacrifice was serving the people. Moses became the largest obstacle, the bottleneck to the people’s growth and maturity. In Numbers 11, the Israelites demanded a rescue from their pain. Moses accepted the role. In doing so, he ensured their continued immature behavior.

3. Overfunctioning prevents me from focusing on my own life direction

Jesus, at the end of his life, said, “I have completed the work you have given me to do.” Unlike Jesus, we easily get sidetracked from our own life direction by overfocusing on others. Overfunctioning toward others often results in underfunctioning for oneself. When I am overly focused on others, I lose sight of my own values, beliefs, and goals.

4. Overfunctioning erodes my spiritual life.

One of the subtle yet most insidious effects of overfunctioning is how it separates us from God. We are called to trust and to surrender to His love. When we cross the line into running God’s world for him, we enter into dangerous territory, into the very rebellion of our first parents. When I am overfunctioning, I do not stop enough to allow God to be God. For this reason, contemplative practices, such as Sabbath keeping, silence, and Daily Offices, help me resist this temptation.

5. Overfunctioning destroys community

The examples of Moses and Martha give us a visual picture of the negative impact of overfunctioning on communities, whether that community is a church, a workplace, a school or a family.

To quit overfunctioning is foundational to our discipleship ministries and leadership values at New Life Fellowship Church. Quitting is something I have to work on each day as I follow Jesus Christ – especially as a leader. In fact, I believe that unless we take up this biblical challenge, it will be difficult to raise up healthy, biblical communities that effectively engage the world with the Gospel and deeply transform lives.

Geri Scazzero is a teaching pastor and director of marriage ministry at New Life Fellowship Church in Queens, New York City. She is also the author of I Quit (Zondervan 2010). Together with her husband, Pete, they are co-founders of Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, a groundbreaking ministry that integrates emotional health and contemplative spirituality to pastors, leaders, and local churches. Check out their website at www.emotionallyhealthy.org.