I firmly believe that when Jesus asks anything of us, He takes ALL our circumstances into account. It is we who make them into problems or excuses for not obeying Him wholeheartedly.
“I am a single parent so I can’t…”
“I need to earn an income so I won’t be able to…”
“I have small children so it is not possible to…”

Through Scripture we read of God using those who “couldn’t,” addressing their “excuses,” molding them into who He created them to be so the glory would go to Him: “But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all surpassing power is from God and not from us” (2 Cor 4:7).

The distractions of our “jars of clay” are just reminders that these are the very vessels He wants to use so He gets all the glory. There is no way the family referred to at the beginning could take credit for all that has happened. There has been no advertising, no leaflets, and no seeking invitations. Everything has come to them and all they had to do was say “yes.” I am not holding them up as a model but rather as a means of tearing down the excuses that I hear for not reaching out further than we could dream or imagine, holding onto the hand of the One who can lead us where we would not go, to do what we could not do, and provide with what we do not have. THIS is our God.

I am not minimizing the struggle to overcome our weaknesses and situations that scream “impossible.” I know them too well because I am the mother I have been telling you about. However, I also know the relief and amazement when walking and living God’s impossible and improbable dream.

Is it easy? Not always. Is it possible? Every time.

How can we do it? By taking the hand of Jesus and letting Him unfold His story through us step by step. I have seen miracles – people getting off planes and just pouring out the contents of their wallets into our laps without knowing anything about us. I have seen Him provide the exact stereo system for my daughter that she dreamed about, when someone just gave it to her. I have seen the promise lived out that He would be a “Father to the fatherless.” I have seen Him provide finances, health, and strength; the right relationships at the right time and places to live as we have needed them. I have seen it  and lived it.

Have I made excuses? Yes. Has He overcome them? Every time.

There is no secret to “Being God’s Woman with No Excuses.” It is all about Jesus and our trust in Him. I sometimes think that we trust Him more with our eternal destiny than we do our destiny on earth. He is the One who enables us to draw each breath and gave us life on this earth. He has invested His life in us and paid the ultimate price so we can live His destiny and declare His glory in our spheres of influence wherever He may decree them to be.

He sees beyond our limited view of our lives and circumstances with a vision greater than we could dream of for ourselves. I read the following:
“It is the task of the servant to obey the Master.
It is the task of the Master to provide for the servant.
Therefore the servant need have no fear.”

At the time I thought, “This is easier written than lived.” There are many times when I think the same BUT I can look back and see the truth of this statement and will be eternally grateful that Jesus looked down on one broken family and saw beyond the shattered dreams to His dream. I did not see His dream; I had no idea where the path of obedience would lead us. I just knew that my heart’s desire was like Joshua and that “as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD” (Jos 24:15). My circumstances screamed that this could never be fully realized. How can someone with literally nothing, expect her precious young children to be used by the King of kings? My circumstances were the vessel He wanted to use to show His glory. It was just for me to hand Him that vessel and allow Him to take the attention off it and onto Him.

“But you are a woman!” is something I have not personally encountered either within myself or from others. I am not sure why it has never been an issue to me – it has just not been one of the “excuses” that has come into my thinking. I have been blessed to have men empower us, open their pulpits, families, and embrace us. They have opened doors for us and cheered us on. I believe in the godly authority of men and have always been at my best when ministering under their authority. In fact I welcome their authority and have always been thankful for men who have made an input into our lives and ministry. They have empowered us in ways that have encouraged, affirmed, and supported us. I do believe that they could also have had the opposite effect had they not believed in us and the ministry God has given us. Has it been difficult “being a woman?”  It has many times been difficult but I can only speak personally and say that the vast majority of the time the excuses that have pounded at our hearts have been nothing to do with being a woman – but rather with “being a person” who has made hard choices to say “yes” at opportunities given to us and trusting in the One who could take the improbable and use them for His glory.

Having said that, I know that for many “being a woman” can be an excuse that can hinder both from within us and from others. All I know is that if Jesus asks something of us He has taken into account that we are women. I am sure there are many men too who feel the responsibility of being a man and are tempted to use that as an excuse. God knows our gender – and has all that taken care of for His glory.

I “hear” readers saying, “That is alright for you but it could never be so for me.” I know this is what some of you are thinking because I thought it for myself. Today I know the more that is stacked against you in life, the more you are able to show His glory. His Love is unconditional, His power is available, and His vision uncontainable for YOU.

God is looking for a generation with a “yes” in their hearts. With our eyes on Him and not ourselves or our circumstances we can cry out that “yes” and watch His unfolding story. This is my God; this is your God – be God’s woman (or man) – no excuses!

Daphne and her children, Andrew and Daniella Kirk, have traveled internationally for over 12 years, taking the vision of “Reconnecting the generations and releasing them to have an uncompromising passion for Jesus with a heart for mission and evangelism.” They speak at pastors and leaders conferences and help to mobilize this emerging generation “for such a time as this.” Check out the ministry founded by the Kirk family, Generation 2 Generation at www.gnation2gnation.com.

The New International Version of the Bible has been referenced.

There is this illustration about the difference between a team of men and a team of women: When women play football and someone is injured, everyone will stop to ask how the person is and try their best to help and comfort her. When men play football and someone is injured, they will pick up the body, put it aside, and continue to play.

So the question is: Do men’s groups really operate like this? And what do men really want in a fellowship group? These questions did not cross my mind much in the past until recently when my wife’s gynecologist told us that the fellow in her womb was actually a boy and not a girl (as I was so sure of – “I can assure you that’s not the umbilical cord,” the gyne said). Soon after that, I began to think about what kind of a healthy men’s group I wanted my son to grow up in.

One key to a vibrant men’s group is to have a vision for the men to fight and live for. Why do men gravitate towards supporting certain sports teams? I venture to say that one main reason is both they and the team have a common vision of winning games, defying the odds, and clinching a championship. Similarly, a good men’s group will have some common goals that help to bond the guys together. It could be to reach out to people around them, or to grow together in an area, or to complete some task together (e.g., organizing an event). A functional men’s group will have some clearly stated vision for the members to work together to achieve; something bigger than themselves.

Another observation is that boys yearn for role models. They tend to idolize their dads or some sports, historical or fictional hero. When they grow up and become men, the role model worshipping may diminish, but it does not disappear. How else can one explain the large male crowds at speaking engagements by renowned political figures, financial leaders or even famous religious personalities? Men do admire and respect certain other men. So one of the best things we can do for men’s groups is to try and provide them with role models of good character whom younger men can look up to, imitate their lives, and get advice from. The best groups I have been in all had older men whom the younger fellows could call when something was wrong and have a good discussion even at two in the morning!

Of course, it may not always be possible to have older male role models in every group. Which leads us to the next best option for a group of men: accountability. Some of the finest small groups in history – like John Wesley’s early discipleship groups – had awesome accountability where the men could be honest with each other about their struggles, and they made sure that at the next meeting, “How has the situation been?” would be asked. Men tend to value loyalty in their companions. Just think of the camaraderie among that odd assortment of adventurers in the movie The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring. Male audiences appreciated the loyalty and friendship that the characters shared with one another. Similarly, accountability can help to foster such a close bonding.

However, we must remember that guys in general are not deep talkers. Most guys are just not natural about sharing their feelings, their struggles, their weaknesses, and so on. It is not (for lack of a better word) “manly.” But after years of being in church small groups, I have come to realize that men can and do need to talk about their feelings and the challenges they face. And as they do so, they will feel their suffering relieved as some other people come alongside them to help share their burdens. Some of the best moments in the men’s ministry of my church have been at weekend encounters where they shared their deepest struggles like fighting lust, challenges with their teenage children, feelings of failure, struggles with identity, etc. More often than not, men come to realize that the other men around them go through similar challenges – and everyone was waiting for someone else to share first!

If the men in a group tend not to share deeply and personally, it could be because they are not very familiar with the people in the group and need some time to open up. Or they may not yet be used to such sharing. Or, it could really be that they are indeed very, very shallow. Whatever the case, an atmosphere where men can share deeply and yet not be condemned should be encouraged. And time should be given for them to become comfortable to open up concerning the deeper areas of their lives.

Single men will also inevitably talk about women. If it is an irreligious group of men, they will sooner or later be discussing the body anatomy and facial structures of pretty girls around them. If it is a religious group of men (regardless of which religion), they will of course be more polite and refrain from discussing body structure but rather who they like or what godly qualities they prefer in a woman. So, it is my controversial belief that for a man’s group to be vibrant, an open atmosphere where a (respectful and mature) discussion on the opposite gender should be encouraged. In fact, a church group with both ladies and guys will be more likely to attract the attention and admiration of young men in the long run. This statement may irk some church pastors who do not want church small groups to degenerate into dating agencies but hey – do you want the young man in your pew looking for a life partner in your church or at the bar down the street from his office?

Last but not least, men like to have fun. For some weird reason, it helps us to bond better. Of course, I am referring to good, clean, fun. It could be a sports game like playing football with your buddies on a Sunday afternoon. Or it could involve a party where people can get to know one another, play icebreaker games, eat good food etc. I even know of one church small group where the gentlemen of the group became good buddies through playing online games that required teamwork to massacre the rival team (strangely the ladies in this particular church group were not so interested in shooting each other to a bloody demise in an online fantasy world). So a healthy men’s fellowship will have a dose of good old fashioned fun.

So I hope that helps to give everyone a better understanding of what will make a men’s group tick. Hey, if all else fails, you can always throw us a ball to chase around on an open field!

Eric Sung works as an Executive (Ministry) at Eagles Communications. He is happily married to Angeline and they are the proud owners of a refrigerator magnet that says “Do you want to talk to the man in charge or to the woman who knows what’s going on?”

You’re about to discover six ideas on how to avoid sabotaging your self confidence and how you can become your own best mate. To do so means taking charge of how you think about your strengths and weaknesses.

Six 10 Percent Tips To Avoid Sabotaging Your Confidence

1. Accept that “flaws are us”

Your background, upbringing, culture, and education can all communicate a message that on one level seems both noble and desirable: “Be good. Do the best you can.” That seems fine, and I endorse those statements. But along with them, perhaps unspoken, are the following messages: “You’re not good enough, you’re not as good as…” Sometimes we can be left feeling that no matter what we do or what we achieve, we’ll never quite arrive.

Some people embark on a never-ending search to find a quick fix to their problems. They listen to the latest guru, who they place on a pedestal marked “hope.” And they feel good. Then slowly over time the good feelings fade and fade until a new fix is presented to them.

And so the cycle continues. And you know what? Deep down we know we will never win the game because no matter how hard we try, we fall short. The truth is…when you play the game “Be Perfect,” you will always end up on the losing team.

We’ve failed to admit to one simple truth. A truth that many self help books don’t want us to realize. We’re flawed. And guess what? That’s OK.

It’s OK not always to be OK. That doesn’t mean that we don’t need to improve, to stretch ourselves. It’s simply a recognition that part of what makes us human is our flaws and we can be both flawed and fantastic.

Just three words: flawed and fantastic. But when we embrace and accept that description of ourselves, it can make a big difference to our self-esteem.

2. Go easy on the boxing glove

I often highlight the impact of your inner critic. That’s the voice inside your head that highlights your weaknesses and undermines your confidence. The voice may echo an angry parent, a critical teacher, a teasing classmate or a disappointed God.

As a visual illustration, I use a big red boxing glove that represents this voice and how you use it to beat yourself up. It might prove difficult to remove the glove permanently, but it’s possible for the punches to become more like occasional gentle taps. These “hits” can be seen as mild rebukes of when you may have fallen short, but they no longer need to be a barrage of incessant blows.

Take a kinder and more compassionate approach to how you see yourself. And in turn, you‘ll probably start to take a more compassionate view of others.

3. Perform plastic surgery on your mind

There is tremendous power in what you say to yourself. Words can both limit and liberate you. Just as people pay to have their appearance changed with a face lift, you can perform your own form of plastic surgery. Your focus here is on your internal world. Surgery often requires the cutting away of excess flesh or the injection of botox. When performing surgery on your own mind, discover what language and phrases to “cut out” and what to inject in their place.

Words to cut out of your vocabulary when describing yourself:
“I’ll never be any good at…”
“I’ll never be able to change the way I am.”
“I’m always making that mistake.”
“I’ll never find anyone who loves me.”
These phrases or any similar ones are now banned from your vocabulary. Forever.

Inject the following phrases into your vocabulary:
“I have the ability to improve from where I am now.”
“I recognize I have some failings and I am still an OK person.”
“I recognize and value the many qualities that I have.”
“I can handle this.”

Reread the list of phrases and choose three that you will write down and repeat to yourself at least ten times every day for the next thirty days. You can even write your own positive phrases and say them like you believe it.

The truth is: Besides God – if you believe in God – the most important person you will ever talk to is yourself.

Choose three phrases, that’s all. It might only make a ten percent difference – but a small change in what you say to yourself can make a big difference to how you see yourself.

4. Get a grip of the wheel

Some people’s life is like a car journey, except that they believe someone or something else is in the driving seat. That could be: their boss, their parents, the government, fate.

Whatever or whoever it is, it’s not you. If you believe you are where you are in life because of other people or luck or fate, you’re deceiving yourself. It’s your car. Get a grip of the wheel and start driving it. Quit the excuses. No more blaming.

The destination of your life is in your hands. If it’s not, then you have allowed other people to determine your destiny. You might not have realized that before but you do now. Harsh? Well, sometimes the truth hurts. But it’s still the truth.

Here’s the score. No one grew in self confidence by placing their backside squarely and firmly in the passenger seat of their life. So change seats if you have to and get both hands on the wheel of your life.

5. Quit waiting to feel confident

How did you learn to ride a bike? Did you use positive affirmation to help yourself? Probably not. So what did you do? Got on the bike and started to pedal.

Hopefully you had someone’s help, but there came a point when you were riding that bike on your own. And it was at that moment that you truly became confident in your ability to ride a bike. In other words, your feelings of confidence came after, not before your action. That’s an important lesson to learn. You can often reduce your anxiety before an event, but you can’t always expect to feel totally confident. And that’s OK.

The truth is: If you’re waiting for the right feeling before you take the right action – you could be waiting a long time.

Nerves are normal. So too is not always feeling totally confident before you do something. That’s a good thing. Where are the challenges and thrills in life if you have to feel complete confidence before you do anything?

6. Weigh up but don’t be weighed down by criticism

Most people can find criticism challenging. And we usually choose one of the following responses:

• Ignore it.
• Dwell on it – an understandable response, particularly if your feelings have been hurt.
• Be defensive – particularly if you feel the criticism is unjustified.
• Wait a while and then weigh it up – this might be easy to advise others to do, but not what comes naturally to most of us, myself included.

It’s the fourth response I want to focus on. It might not be easy to do, but it’s a sign of emotional maturity and self confidence when we’re prepared to do it.

Here are some really useful questions to ask when weighing up criticism:

How valid is that comment?
What were the other person’s motives for giving it?
What part of the criticism (if any) could I agree with?
Although natural, how is my defensive response helping this situation?
Would I do anything differently next time?

It is not easy to receive criticism. It can erode your confidence. But criticism can also be a gift if you choose to weigh it up and learn from it. It could contain an insight that helps you achieve your goal. A small nugget of truth could make all the difference.

Paul McGee is a well known international speaker and author. He has spoken in twenty countries and is the author of bestseller, S.U.M.O. Shut Up, Move On. This article is an extract of his latest book Self-Confidence: The Remarkable Truth of Why a Small Change Can Make a Big Difference. He can be contacted at sumo@paulmcgee.com or via his website www.PaulMcGee.com.

Do you believe in humor as a form of therapeutic intervention? Why?

Laughter is good medicine. The Bible also advocates joy and a merry heart as being good for the soul. Yes, humor has a potentially valuable place in therapy. The impact of humor can be extensive, though often understated in the counseling profession. Humor can be seen as an effective communication tool for both counselors and clients. On the part of the counselor, humor can build and enhance the therapeutic relationship. There are several ways that humor can help during counseling sessions:

• Build rapport, explore emotions, and reduce stressful situations.
• Offer clients a less painful perspective of an experience and encourage communication on sensitive matters.
• Convey the message that the counselor is also human and help establish a better counseling relationship.
• Therapeutic use of humor can result in a client’s putting problems into perspective.
• To facilitate the acting out of feelings or impulses in a safe, non-threatening way.
• As a coping device to allow clients to redirect their energy with new commitments for the future and to move forward and make progress in their lives.

What type of humor is suitable for enhancing relationships? How about for healing broken relationships?

In general, laughter and humor improve the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health of individuals – essential ingredients for a healthy relationship, be it a marriage, courtship, friendship, etc. Joy stimulates the immune system, kills the stress and tension and significantly increases the release of pain killing chemicals in the blood. The benefits include a decrease in blood pressure and systemic inflammation. This creates a feel good state of being which enhances relational well-being.

The ability to see humor in a tense atmosphere brings spouses closer together. Partners who have the ability to laugh at their situation would actually feel stronger after the argument, enhancing their relationship. Recalling funny, happy moments that were shared can also bring back to mind warm, loving emotions felt in the past, and this can affirm their relationship. Any relationship would benefit from a good injection of humor from time to time.

Are there any challenges or risks involved if you recommend your clients to use humor as a tool to improve relationships?

There are both payoffs and risks in the use of humor in counseling. In any counseling session, the proper interpretation, climate of the session, appropriate timing, sensitivities, and personality of the client must be considered for successful use of humor. Humor is a useful tool but like all tools, it has to be used appropriately, to support and not to demean. The counselor needs to distinguish between humor that distracts and humor that enhances the situation. Humor which belittles, embarrasses or intimidates the client is to be avoided at all costs. Clients may sometimes use humor as a defense to avoid feeling the pain of difficult matters or as a distraction. This needs to be worked through by the counselor who will assess if it is a healthy or unhealthy defense.

Humor brings people together. It facilitates communication and builds relationships. We enjoy and like people who are humorous. It is a good tool to neutralize conflict in relationships and lighten up tense situations as humor can provide people with a different perspective on the many challenges of their complicated lives. If we can make light out of the situation, it is no longer a threat to us. We have already discounted its effect. We can feel a sense of self-protection and control in our environment. Bill Cosby is fond of saying, “If you can laugh at it, you can survive it.”

Humor has long been considered one of the most effective tools to judge the quality of any relationship. If there is laughter present, we can assume that the relationship is a healthy one. When the laughter ceases, we can be quite certain that the relationship is on the downslide. This laughter barometer can be applied to any relationship at home, at work, and at play.

Have you had any experience with humor/laughter when counseling? If so, can you relate one or two incidents (including the outcome)?

We often associate tears and crying with counseling, but humor and laughter can be just as powerful a tool for relationship recovery. I (Diana) had a couple who came for counseling and as they talked about each other’s idiosyncrasies, they started to laugh. Not at each other but rather, how funny that situation was on hindsight. The fond and happy memories broke the barriers of resentment and anger.

Diana Chandra, Senior Counselor, EMCC and Edward Zaccheus, Trainer/Counselor, EMCC both contributed to this article.

You may be thinking the same question. To answer it, let me tell you about my friend Steve. Steve was recounting how his favorite rugby league team had lost an important cup match. When he returned home to his wife, who does not share his passion for rugby, she said, “Never mind, there’s always next year.” At that time, this was the last thing Steve wanted to hear. “I just wanted to wallow, be left alone, and to dwell on what might have been,” he told me. Telling someone to SUMO might in some circumstances be both insensitive and unhelpful, particularly if what they have experienced is serious and significant. So what should we do?

When Steve used the term wallow, a picture of a hippopotamus wallowing in mud immediately sprang to mind. It was then that I realized that on occasions, before people can SUMO they may need to wallow – to have, as I call it, some Hippo Time.

When Hippo Time might be necessary
The need for Hippo Time will vary according to the person and his/her situation. But here are some events that may trigger a period of wallowing:

Your partner dumps you.
You miss out on that promotion at work.
You miss your train or plane.
Your sports team loses an important match.
You fail to get the job you were interviewed for.
A friend lets you down in some way.
You lose or break something of sentimental value.
You are made redundant.
Why not add two of your own events that have led to a legitimate time of wallowing?

Why do we need Hippo Time?

To be simply told to Shut Up, Move On when any, or if you are really unlucky, all of the above has occurred is to deny reality. As human beings we are by nature emotional. A life without experiencing emotional highs and lows would be boring and bland. In order to move on, you need at times to acknowledge the emotions you are feeling. There will be occasions when we can SUMO in an instant. But let’s be real here – there will be other occasions when we need to take a Hippo Time detour.

Hippo Time provides you with the opportunity to experience your emotional lows and to be honest about those feelings.

Understanding our emotions

Sometimes we can be confused about our emotions. Is it wrong to cry? Should we always be happy? Let’s get some clarity about our emotions.

Emotions are valid but they can also create confusion within us. Some people I know actually find value in keeping a “feelings diary.” Rather than record what they did on a particular day, they record how they felt. Writing down our feelings may help us gain a greater insight into ourselves and also help us notice how our emotions vary from day to day.

Having Hippo Time can be extremely helpful. It can also be unproductive. So how can you make the most of Hippo Time? Who is best to help you during this period and who should you avoid? How can you prevent yourself wallowing for too long? Here are some ground rules:

Top three tips for Hippo Time
Tip 1. Be careful who you talk to
The phrase “a trouble shared is a trouble halved” is an important principle, but it is not always appropriate. There are people who have the unique ability to make you feel worse after you have spoken to them. A friend recalls how having received a parking ticket, a colleague in his office told him he is the unluckiest person he had ever met. Some people, in seeking to help, encourage you to wear the Victim T-shirt and, metaphorically speaking, they are giving you more mud to wallow in. Also, avoid people who are only too keen to share advice before you have a chance to vent, and who hijack your Hippo Time to recount all their worries and woes.

You may also want to avoid those, “I am positive but I have no grasp of reality” people. You lose your legs in an accident, and they smile sincerely and say, “At least you’ve still got your arms.” You need to find someone who is prepared to actively listen, who allows you to talk, and who doesn’t feel obliged to offer advice.

Tip 2. Be careful how many people you talk to

Our temptation when asked “How are you?” is to answer honestly and comprehensively. After all, if we’re in Hippo Time and someone asks the question, I’m entitled to give them an answer. Right? Wrong. There are two reasons why you have to be discerning about how many people you tell your troubles to.

Firstly, the more times you tell your story, the more you replay and re-live the negative experience and emotions associated with it. Distracted perhaps by a particular task or activity, you may actually feel fine until a colleague or neighbor enquires how you are. In that moment you have a choice. I am not suggesting that you “put on a brave face” and deny that you are in Hippo Time. However, the question is this: does this person really want to know how you are, or are they simply making polite conversation? If it is the latter, give them your ten-second version of your story. If it is the former, then you may choose to tell the longer version, but only if you feel you want to.

Secondly – how can I put this nicely? Actually, I can’t. So here goes: in my experience, around 80% of people who ask you how you are, are not particularly interested in your answer. Not only can it be unhelpful to go into replay mode about your troubles, but you may also be labeled a bore. So, for everyone’s sake, beware how many people you share your Hippo Time with.

Tip 3. Be careful of how long your Hippo Time lasts

Some people can get used to wallowing in the mud. You may have been encouraged to lengthen your stay due to the attention you receiving and wallowing can feel comfortable and comforting. But ultimately, spending too long in the mud of self-pity becomes unhelpful.

So how long should you spend in Hippo Time? Sorry to be vague, but it depends. The length of time you spend wallowing depends on several factors:
The seriousness of the issue.
The support you receive from others.
The amount of pay-offs you are receiving for staying in the mud (attention, sympathy, supply of Victim T-shirts, etc.).
Your willingness to explore how to move on.

I am not here to give you guidelines on how long you need to wallow. But remember this: Hippo Time should not be a place of permanent residence. Wallowing is temporary, SUMO is forever.

In order to move on, there is more to be gained by looking forward than there is to you looking back. You need to be honest with yourself and ask this question: “What is it costing me in terms of energy and opportunity to remain stuck in Hippo Time?” The answer to this question should help you decide on how long you spend wallowing.

How do you help someone during Hippo Time?

It is probably helpful to start with what not to do.

Do not fake listen (i.e., pretend you are listening when in fact you are wondering what to have for tea tonight). The person talking will eventually realize you are not listening when they notice your eyes. They will be glazed over. Don’t keep interrupting the other person with phrases such as, “The same thing happened to me.”
Don’t invade their Hippo Time and have yours instead. This is usually pre-empted with the comment, “Well, you think that’s bad – you should hear what happened to me today.” Your turn will come, just be patient.
Don’t keep using the phrase, “That’s awful” or “That’s terrible.” (Express some concern but don’t overdo it. Don’t make them feel worse than they already are.)

Here’s what to do instead
Work hard (and it can be hard work) to give the other person your full attention. If it’s not a convenient time for you to listen, let them know when would be a good time.

Allow the person to vent.

Allow the person to cry – no matter how uncomfortable it makes you feel.

Use phrases such as, “It’s OK to be angry,” or “You seem very hurt by that.” (Use language you are familiar with. I’m not suggesting you need to sound like a therapist).

Give the other person space. Some people (particularly men) prefer to spend Hippo Time on their own. It would be helpful to say, “Look, I appreciate you’re upset. You know where I am if you need me,” and then allow them time to themselves.

When you feel it is appropriate, you might then use humor to diffuse the situation or put things into perspective.

In a nutshell
Hippo Time is a valid place to be for some people before they can Shut Up, Move On. To deny and suppress our hurt and disappointment is unhealthy. However, spending too long in Hippo Time, especially with the wrong people, will not aid in our recovery.

Paul McGee is a well known international speaker and author. He has spoken in twenty countries to date and is the author of S.U.M.O. Shut Up, Move On. The Straight Talking Guide to Creating and Enjoying A Brilliant Life, of which this article is an extract. He can be contacted at sumo@paulmcgee.com or via his web site www.PaulMcGee.com.

In putting together this issue, the editorial team heard of so many personal encounters with God’s healing that were shared among co-workers. Here are three testimonies and reflections from our own office!

That got me scared and with my fiancée Doreen, I went to Tan Tock Seng Hospital. One look at me and my urine (in a bottle of course), the doctor knew I had Hepatitis. After taking some blood and some other tests on me, I was told I had to be admitted.

That was depressing news to me – how can I stay put in the hospital and not be in the company of Doreen? That would be so torturous and painful. Reality was, I was close to fainting as the viral infection was at its peak. So Doreen had to leave me in the ward at night. I was all alone and worried about what was going to happen to me especially so when we were already making plans for our wedding.

As I laid down on my bed, feeling very sick and sliding into depression, I looked up to the ceiling of the ward and let out a cry to God. “Oh God, I don’t want to die here and I don’t wish to stay in the hospital either.”

I could literally feel a sense of fear and hopelessness covering me like a blanket. It was then that I took up the Bible and asked God to speak to me and give me a word.

Normally I do not do this but I flipped my Bible to a page. My eyes were then directed to a passage in 2 Timothy 2:13 and God spoke so directly and clearly: “If we are faithless, he will remain faithful for he cannot disown himself.” I acknowledge my faithlessness to God and committed myself to His Word.

The next morning, I was told I could be discharged. Amazingly, they found no danger in my blood test and nothing wrong in all the other tests as well.

I remembered then the word God gave to me. He was faithful to His promise. I was healed miraculously and discharged the next day. That is my God. He is so faithful.

There was another occasion when I was desperately seeking the Word for healing for my father. He was at the last stage of pancreatic cancer. I believed that God would heal him and declared it to all my family members. However, he died within a month after my bold declaration.

As I look back on this, I have to be honest and say that I was disappointed that God did not heal my dad. But God is God and I am just a mere mortal who sometimes takes His Word in vain and expects Him to be my genie instead of my God.

God is still true to His Word and in more ways than one my dad is now truly healed in Heaven.

As I try to learn the ways of God and especially on healing I realized that there was no record of any of Jesus’ disciples being sick or were in need of healing when they were with Him. In fact all who came in touch with Jesus for a healing need, had their needs met.

This got me to thinking that if we as God’s children, have a really vibrant daily relationship with Him, should we not also be free from any sickness and diseases as He is with us? His Presence and Being can radiate healing like the times when His disciples were with Him and I think we can also walk in health and healing now and throughout our lives! Think about it!

Edward Zaccheus
Trainer/Counselor
EMCC

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

I could not forget the awe-inspiring healing experience at the Manila Miracle Revival in early 2000s, where I participated in my church’s overseas healing and evangelistic crusade.

We got ready and headed for the crusade ground in the early evening. Already, the seats were filling up fast. The service had not yet started but due to the crowd, we wasted no time in getting into our positions and started praying for individuals in need.

A lady, looking to be in her mid 30s and seated with her husband and a young child, told me she had breast cancer and there were two visible lumps on her left breast. She started to cry. I told her to trust the Lord for her healing and she nodded. I was too shy to lay my hand on the afflicted area and told her I would lay my hand on her head and pray. She suddenly took my hand and placed it underneath her clothes, where the lumps were. I felt the lumps, the bigger one about the size of a twenty cent coin. I awkwardly removed my hand from under her clothes and placed it lightly on the afflicted area, touching her blouse. I was amazed by her deep sense of expectation for her healing.

While praying, I felt the lady’s body shaking and saw her trembling and tearing at the same time. As soon as I finished the prayer and before I could check her healing, she was already checking it out herself – her hand was already under her clothes, feeling for the lumps. Her eyes suddenly flew open and she said something excitedly in a foreign language. She abruptly took my hand and unceremoniously placed it under her clothes, on the spot where the lumps were. Amazed as I was, I must admit that I had a little doubt – that perhaps it was the wrong spot that I had touched. I thus asked her to check it out in the ladies’ toilet just to be sure.

She came back after a while, crying and laughing at the same time. The lumps were miraculously removed by our Master Healer, Lord Jesus. All glory be unto Him!

That experience has greatly impacted my Christian walk. All I can say is that I was both humbled and awed by the experience – by the lady’s single-mindedness, unabashed trust, and expectation; by our Lord’s unfailing faithfulness, steadfast love, and superlative power. My faith has increased and my heart is filled with praise and gratitude for His goodness. I cannot thank Him enough for using me even as a young Christian then, for such awesome work. Indeed, “And these signs will accompany those who believe: In my name… they will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well.” (Mk 16:17-18, NIV). This promise of the Lord is so evidently true. Such blessing! Praise the Lord!

Julia Ng
Marketing Communications Manager
EMCC

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

On May 7, 2006, I experienced God’s miraculous healing grace for my two year back problem – God is indeed to be praised!

I had earlier on quite a few occasions personally asked God for healing and had also been prayed over, but the pain simply got worse with time.

I would not be able to stand for more than 15 minutes without the strain setting in. Standing during church service or while performing my ushering duties required frequent stretching and squatting to ease the discomfort.

I recall a series of site visits I had to make with my older work colleagues and boss who was twenty years my senior. At every site stop, I was the only one looking for a chair or wall to lean against. I never felt so aged. Being a person who jogs regularly, this back condition really impacted me. I could not jog for more than 400m before needing to stop from pain.

On that day, while helping out as an usher during an altar call at my church, I told the Lord that “I want to be healed.” I told Him that I wanted to be healed specifically so that I could perform my ushering duties well. I simply wanted to be able to serve God in my full capacity once again. Within two days, I was completely healed! Such amazing grace! Thanks be to God! Be encouraged – our God heals!

Christina Wee
Volunteer, Eagles Communications