Most, if not all of us, enjoy the feeling of pleasure and it might be fair to say that life would be quite tough without it. During the week while we are at school or work, we try our best to create pockets of time for pleasure. During weekends, we engage and immerse ourselves in activities and events that we enjoy. Life would undoubtedly be quite a drag without pleasure!

Having said that, can this pursuit of pleasure ever become a harmful thing? Apparently so. People with an addiction to pleasure place an extravagant amount of emphasis on their pursuit of it. There is a constant hunger for stimulation and exhilaration as well as aversion for anything that they may regard as dreary and unexciting. They are chiefly concerned only with what they want at that point in time and are very unlikely to reflect on the consequences. People with hedonistic thinking despise being weighed down and tend to find ways to escape discomfort.

Where do we draw the line between addiction and someone who has a passionate indulgence for pleasure? All addictions, including addiction to pleasure, share three common features. Firstly, the person acts compulsively, is unable to resist impulsive behaviors, and has intrusive thoughts that prompt her to continue those stimulating behaviors. Secondly, there is a loss of control in her ability to curb or shut off his or her urges. Thirdly, there is a continuation of stimulating behaviors and the person is not deterred by increasingly adverse consequences.

Pleasure comes in different forms. For instance, exercising may be a form of physical addiction. Exercising helps to relieve stress and anxiety and has been said to bring about the “runner’s high,” which is a feeling of well being from the production of endorphins, a natural painkiller. People addicted to exercise and the high that follows find that if they stop, they become anxious and unhappy with themselves, their bodies, and life. To some addicts, exercising is what they look forward to as the highlight of the day and it gives them their identity and meaning in life. Not being able to exercise means living with a void. Often, addicts exercise to the point of injuring their bones, tendons, and muscles. Injuries and their preoccupation with exercise hamper the way they deal with relationships and situations at work, school, and home.

Another way for addicts to gain pleasure is through turning to pleasurable emotions. They obtain this by “falling in love” repeatedly as well as through sexual exploits. The euphoria that accompanies love and sex functions as a drug that addicts use to relieve pain or deal with personal issues like low self esteem and loneliness. Addicts would often resort to investing in a cycle of falling in and out of relationships for the excitement to cloud out the negative and uncomfortable feelings.

Another way for people addicted to pleasure to attain their highs is through artificial methods such as drug abuse. Drugs may be used to stimulate a “rush” or lull the person into a pleasurable stupor and achieve an altered perception of what is around them. Drugs bring about these changes by modifying how the brain normally functions and this process is gradual.

However, what starts out as a pursuit of pleasure spirals into an addiction in order to relieve withdrawal symptoms, rather than revisiting pleasurable feelings. As the change in the brain occurs, the person cannot function normally without drugs. Such is the danger of using external substances to bring about an induced state.

From a counseling perspective, the pursuit of pleasure hardly ever occurs in isolation. There is usually a context for it to happen and the chase is often about filling up the emptiness inside, thus turning to a maladaptive way of addressing dissatisfaction about certain facets of life. The addiction to pleasure traps and denies any chance for a person to truly discover and overcome what is not satisfying them in life. Yet, the appeal of pleasure is that it provides people a quick fix to a “happier place.”

To help people with this addiction, they need to be up for the challenge to change. No amount of cajoling or threats will transform them if they see no need or have no desire to change. In the event that you do get a chance to confront the issue with a willing individual, there are some ways that you can help them gain more awareness of what is happening inside of them and how it has been affecting themselves and those around them.

From a strengths based perspective, we want to encourage the person to overcome the addiction by drawing on his own strengths and resources, and it is not for us to bend and force him into admitting his problem.

We can start by asking what brought him to this point of wanting a change? Explore the thoughts and feelings behind this intention. Go deeper to establish his goal to change by asking for his opinions about his own thoughts and feelings. This intensification of the inconsistency between what is currently happening and what his new goals are will help him gain a sense of internal motivation by allowing him to hear his own stand against his addiction.

We would then want to explore his own triumphs; what are his strengths and positive qualities that he has used over the course of his life to solve difficult situations? This allows him to gain confidence in knowing that he has resources of his own to deal with difficulties and can draw on them again in this difficult period. In overcoming addictions, it is crucial that the person establishes an understanding that he is a competent person capable of making personal choices in handling his addiction.

When it comes to handling hedonistic thoughts and behaviors, try exploring with him what are the situations (real, perceived, physical, emotional) that put him at risk of feeling that he needs to engage in certain acts and what exactly triggers the urges.

Explore what else, other than the current intense desire for pleasure, is going through his mind. What is it about obtaining pleasure that is so important right now? What is the purpose of this pleasure to him?

Encouraging self inquisition helps him gain an awareness of what this pleasure is distracting him from. Should there be deeper issues present, he can be encouraged to adopt alternative tactics to deal with them. Among the many issues, one thing that people addicted to pleasure cannot tolerate is discomfort. It is certainly not a state we would like to be in and undoubtedly, some experiences do seem unnecessary and pointless. Yet, bearing with discomfort teaches us lessons such as resilience, self confidence, patience, and endurance. Helping them to find values in their difficulties will help to increase their tolerance to monotony and cultivate the will to bear with discomfort.

We could also explore with him what are the thoughts and feelings experienced after having engaged in the hedonistic behavior and find out what those thoughts and feelings mean to him. Similarly, examine with him his observations of others around him who are impacted by his behavior. Getting him to reflect on these areas helps bring to light the impact of the aftermath of these actions on him and on others. This is a crucial part of overcoming addiction to pleasure. Specifically to people who struggle with hedonism, learning to develop respect for others, to show care and concern, and think beyond their own wants, is paramount in contributing to a healthy recovery.

Overcoming addiction is a gradual and challenging process. The step of having someone acknowledging that he has an addiction is already a tough confession. However, that is the first and most courageous move a person can make for himself.

If you know a loved one or someone who has such an addiction but is not ready to change, trying to force upon them what they should not be doing will only push them further away. What you can do instead is to allow them to find a friend in you: Someone whom they can trust, someone they know who will walk alongside them without judgment.

It can be emotionally trying, but being that key person of support in their lives may be all that is needed to turn their lives around.

Joline Lim is a counselor at EMCC with a degree in psychology and masters in counseling and guidance. She currently serves in the youth worship ministry in Church of Our Savior as a keyboardist and a very shy flutist. Her passions include enjoying nature and animals, photography, playing in a band, cooking, baking, and being a health freak to offset the last two passions.

References:
Smith, David E. and Richard B. Seymour. Introduction to Handbook of Addictive Disorders: A Practical Guide to Diagnosis and Treatment, edited by Robert H. Coombs. Hoboken: John Wiley & Sons, Inc., 2004.

“On the Internet, nobody knows you’re a dog.”- New Yorker cartoon

“We don’t have a choice on whether we DO social media, the question is how well we DO it.” – Erik Qualman

Social media refers to the use of web based and mobile technologies to turn communication into an interactive dialog. It allows people to co-create and exchange user generated content.

According to Kietzmann, et al, it has introduced substantial and pervasive changes to communication between organizations, communities, and peoples of the world enabled by ubiquitous, accessible, and scalable communication techniques. ¹ Finally, social media is about people, connecting us to our old friends and the world almost instantaneously.

One of my friends told me that he found 26 of his primary one classmates on Facebook and they had their first get together after forty years!

I asked a group of young people and my kids why social media is so popular with them. These are some of their responses:

Need for self expression: We want to share our ideas, life experiences, and discoveries. And people listen to us. We feel we have a voice in this voiceless world.

Need for convenience: Every one of our friends has an iPhone, BlackBerry, or a computer with tremendous computing power. We can reach out so effortlessly.

Need for connectivity: We want to connect with our friends and even long distance acquaintances. We can communicate so easily now with social media!

Need for speed: We want to do things quickly and immediately. The slow pace of letters and traditional media like radio and TV are not attractive to us.

Need for self identity: With social media, we can establish our identity. It is our business calling card. We feel so powerful and important. And most of all, it is cool!

Social media has fundamentally changed the way we interact and communicate by:

Removing geographical distance and language.
Democratizing the world’s information.
Making education and success possible for billions of people.
Revolutionizing the way we do business.
Spreading truth and perspective to the world.
Combating tyranny and oppression as seen in Tunisia, Egypt, and even overthrowing dictators as in Libya.

Consider these UNTHINKABLE facts in Social Media:

There are over 2.7 billion searches performed on Google each month.²
The number of text messages sent and received each day exceeds the total population of planet earth.³
There are 1.9 billion Internet users worldwide.
90% of social media trust peer recommendations as opposed to advertisements.
In 2009, one out of eight married couples in the US met through social media.
Social gamers will buy $6 billion in virtual goods by 2013.

Consider these UNTHINKABLE Search Engines:

Facebook
There are 750 million users on Facebook as of June 2011. 175 million users are logging on every 24 hours on Facebook, sharing thirty billion pieces of content per month.⁴
In 2010, Facebook delivered one trillion display ads.
The average user in Facebook spends about 55 min a day on the site, has 130 friends, is connected to eighty pages, groups, and events and creates ninety pieces of content per month.⁵

YouTube
YouTube receives more than two billion views every day.
More videos are uploaded to YouTube in sixty days than the three major US networks created in sixty years.
It would take you 1,000 years to watch all the YouTube videos.⁶

Wikipedia
Wikipedia’s mission is to make all information in the world available in every language. Wikipedia supports 260 languages.
English Wikipedia has more than three million articles but not a single ad.⁷

Twitter
Started as a simple text-sms, it now has more than190 million users.
Lady Gaga, Justin Bieber, and Britney Spears have more Twitter followers than the entire populations of Sweden, Israel, Chile, Greece, North Korea, and Australia combined.
25 billion tweets were sent out in 2010.⁸

LinkedIn
LinkedIn (Professional/Business social networking) has more than ninety million users worldwide. A new member joins LinkedIn every second.
80% of companies use LinkedIn as a recruitment tool.
Executives from all FORTUNE 500 companies are on LinkedIn.⁹

Truly, social media is the electronic tsunami of our times! It will continue unabated for years to come!

Distinctive Features of Social Media

1. Reaching the furthest and farthest: Social media allows an individual to have a global reach and a global audience at little or no cost.

2. Accessible to anyone anywhere: It allows any individual anywhere to have access to audiences any place on earth.

3. User friendly to the oldest and youngest: Little skill and training are needed to access and reach our audience. Even the youngest and oldest among us can learn how to use it, produce and load up pictures, videos, and messages through social media. The number of social media users age 65 years old and older has increased by 100% in 2010. It is almost idiot proof!

4. Instantaneous crossing of time zones: We can log on day and night, defying all time zones with immediate responses within seconds! Only the respondents determine their delay.

5. Impermanence and changing all the time: People can comment, edit, criticize, and tear down most information. This is both a plus and minus. Conversely, you can amend and comment on mistakes that you may have posted wrongly.

6. Influence through peers and friends: Almost anyone can become an “expert” or social authority. The most influential factor is “similarity.” In 2008, 58% of respondents report that they most trusted company or product information coming from “people like me.”

7. Anonymity, pretense, and camouflaging lies: Individuals can disguise themselves, their identities, and their messages and camouflage them as truths. It is difficult to ascertain truth from falsehoods in social media because it spreads so pervasively and so instantaneously, like a virus.

8. Emotional reactions and uncontrollable responses: The emotional impact of stories and experiences through social media has enraged individuals, mobilized crowds, challenged conventional wisdom, and destroyed regimes.

Thinking Through the Unthinkable of Social Media: How to use it?

1. Accept social media as our way of communicating and interacting. There is no turning back now. For the baby boomers, we remember the black and white TV of the 60s. Now, Flatbed LED 3D Color TV is in. So, it is with social media. Whether for business or pleasure, family or friends, organizations or individuals, interacting and networking through social media is the way to go, if you want to stay connected.

Use it to your advantage. You can find almost anything, answer any question, address any issue, find any product, learn any new skills, search for any pictures/videos in this new norm of communication and interaction. (This article is a prime example as much background research for this article is done through this medium!)

2. Acquire skills from the young and tech-savvy kids. If you are like me, the “dinosaur” in the use of social media, this is the best time to connect with the young and social media mogul kids. Learn from them and they will keep us humble. Only request is that they have to do it slowly and be less impatient with us as they tend to take for granted that we know what they know.

3. Adapt to the most prolific and advanced social media. Friendster and Myspace were the top social media sites a few years ago until Facebook and YouTube came along. Do not be surprised that these may be passé in a few years because the new kids on the block, like Google+, will revolutionize our communication. For now, stick to Facebook, LinkedIn, and YouTube! And stay relevant!

4. Analyze identity and content by being discerning. It is important to have a giant dose of healthy skepticism when accessing information and content from social media. Once I received an email from a very prominent and well respected leader in our country. I thought it was from him until I checked with him and found that somebody had used his name to pen the article, which was so well disguised as it resembled his writing style! The first rule: Do not instantaneously believe everything that is sent to you! Check out the facts. Establish the identity clearly. Go to the source, if possible.

It is good to know that major social media sites like Google and Facebook are now demanding full identities and cracking down on people using pseudonyms. Although they have their own reason for desiring disclosure, Facebook’s former marketing director, Randi Zuckerberg, has advocated, “Anonymity on the Internet has to go away.” Echoing the same sentiment, Eric Schmidt, Google’s Chairman, “The Internet would be better if we had an accurate notion that you were a real person as opposed to a dog, or a fake person or a spammer.” This, I believe, is a good development but whether they will succeed is another matter!

5. Address the issue by managing your emotions. It is very easy to become emotional on the Internet. This is compounded by the sound bites, the one liners, and quick fixes that social media advocates.

This is because social media almost allows people to get away with “murder.” Extremism, sensationalism, and exaggeration are stretched to its limits because somebody is seeking to capture our attention. It is important to stay rational and thoughtful or we fall right into the same trap that we are trying to prevent. Step back and check out the facts before reacting emotionally.
All these require a new savvy-ness in addressing the issues. Prompt responses, pithy one-liners, and repetitive messaging can counter these threats.

The UNTHINKABLE is here. The tsunami of social media is here and there will be many more social media tsunamis to come. We have to keep pace with these communication changes. Only then can we become effective communicators and purveyors of truth and rationality.

1. Kietzmann, Jan H., Hermkens, Kris, McCarthy, Ian P., and Silvestre, Bruno S. “Social media? Get serious! Understanding the functional building blocks of social media.” Business Horizons 54 (2011): 241–251.
2. Metzger, Monty C.M. “Power of Social Media.” Slideshare. May 2007. www.slideshare.net/montymetzger/power-of-social-media.
3. Ibid
4. Kincaid, Jason. “Facebook Now Has 750 Million Users.” TechCrunch. June 2011. http://techcrunch.com/2011/06/23/facebook-750-million-users/.
5. DominoMarketing. “Social Media in 2011.” YouTube. June 2011. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kbxQelt3Lk8.
6. Ibid.
7. Ibid.
8. Ibid.
9. Ibid.
10. Gapper, John. “It is right to curtail Web anonymity.” The Straits Times, September 2, 2011.

Dr John Ng is the Chair of Eagles Communications’ Board of Governance and directs the programs of Eagles Leadership Institute. He is also the President of Meta, providing consultation services to top international corporations and the Honorary Chair of EMCC Board of Governance. John has a PhD in Interpersonal Communication from Northwestern University, USA.

This mini-blog allows “netizens” (users) to post information about themselves and make comments on any topic, much like Facebook in the West, which cannot be accessed in China. Interestingly, there is a tendency for Weibo comments to go beyond the purely personal and touch on more thoughtful, even socio-political topics – something new for China.

On Facebook, a typical comment may be something like “I took my children to the zoo today and they just loved the monkeys” (accompanied by photos of smiling kids). One may find an occasional political reference, but the expectation is that the vast majority of comments will be personal. After all, there are many other outlets for socio-political commentary in the general media throughout the West.

Weibo of course includes many personal comments as well, but there is a growing expectation that users will also address issues of the day in a thoughtful manner. In fact, some who do not are chided by other netizens for not being serious enough. For instance, there was a great deal of commentary on what appeared to be an attempt to cover up the cause of a high speed train wreck in July 2011 with postings such as: “Why did the railway authorities try to bury the train cars that were damaged in the train wreck – what are they trying to hide?” (accompanied by photos of the wreckage). And prominent users who did not engage the topic were encouraged to weigh in.

This is hugely significant, especially since the general media in China is not open to commentary as it is in the West, which means there is no other venue for such dialog. It is a new thing for Chinese citizens to be able to comment directly to one another on current events such as potential cover ups, and it is creating quite a buzz among those who access it. After all, others who have made it a habit to critique current issues have invariably been silenced sooner or later by China’s monitoring authorities.

Consequently, their social commentary has tended to be episodic at best. Weibo, however, continues to grow and expand even as more and more of its netizens revel in the newfound possibility of unfettered public social commentary.

So what has changed? How is it that former social critics have found themselves reprimanded while Weibo is allowed to flourish? I believe that the authorities in Beijing see social media as a useful pressure relief valve, in that it provides an easily monitored outlet for public opinion. The organizations that run these outlets report that they are constantly engaged in a delicate dance. They have had to develop tools to censor specific topics if needed, which can be implemented at a moment’s notice if the government so requests. But neither they nor the government want to use these tools unless absolutely necessary.

Accordingly, there is increasing tolerance for comments critical of current issues so long as they do not cross a line. What is the line? Nobody knows for sure, so what is happening is a tentative and ever expanding exploration of those limits by Weibo’s users. Clearly anything directly challenging government policies will not be tolerated, but so far many critiques of oversights and mishaps have been allowed.

The two most difficult topics, whether in the East or in the West, are supposed to be politics and religion – so what about the latter? What about discussion on matters of faith and spirituality? Here too, there is a growing openness to dialog, as long as it does not promote issues or organizations that are currently illegal. That leaves space for talking about, for instance, Christian or Buddhist beliefs and practices – both of which are well represented. Increasingly one sees faith oriented or religious comments on Weibo that would not have been tolerated in the past. This can include, for instance, references to specific Buddhist or biblical teachings, general statements about the importance of faith and church or temple, or allusions to Jesus or Buddha. China’s netizens may just find themselves becoming increasingly faith oriented!

In the long run, discourses on faith, spirituality, and values may be even more important that the developing socio-political commentary. It has been often noted that there is a sort of vacuum in China as regards commonly held religious or ideological beliefs. On Weibo, this vacuum is duly noted, and netizens weigh in with their various proposals on how to fill the vacuum. It is as if a growing and sophisticated community is deciding together who they are and what they believe in.

In sum, I believe there is a mini-revolution taking place in China through their social media that will have historic impact. Many Chinese seem elated to have such an opportunity and spend a great deal of time engaged in comments and responses regarding the issues of the day. Perhaps it feels like a breath of fresh air in the otherwise tightly controlled media environment of China. Netizens can promote thoughtful dialog on any topic by simply taking one another’s comments seriously. The ultimate outcome? Only time will tell as China goes on to define itself anew in the 21st Century. But whatever Sino identity emerges, social media is bound to play an important role.

Dr Timothy A Kelly is serving as Chief of Behavioral Health Services for ParkwayHealth Medical Centers in Shanghai. Prior to that, he was an Associate Professor of Psychology at Fuller Theological Seminary’s School of Psychology in Pasadena, California. Dr Kelly served as Commissioner for Virginia’s Department of Mental Health in the 1990s. He recently published a book titled Healing the Broken Mind: Transforming America’s Failed Mental Health System. For further information see: www.takconsult.com

Strictly speaking, social media has been around for many years. But the prominence of it has been brewing behind the scenes, waiting for the technological platform to mature before it springs a communication revolution.

Looking from the recent incidents, local and global, such as the Singapore General and Presidential Elections and the random mob looting and riots all over England, to the fall of strong rooted governments in Egypt and Libya, social media plays a crucial role of being a facilitator for stirring emotions and large scale mobilization.

Economically, businesses and organizations experience the value in social networks to engage and connect with thousands of old and new customers and to ultimately build a stronger brand identity for their business or cause.

So what exactly is social media and what has it got to do with the message of the Gospel?

Social What?

First of all, we need to learn what social media really is all about in order to see the relevance of it in our generation. I have come across many definitions of what it is and some people argue against the purpose of defining it since ALL media have a social element in it. However, I find the following the most relevant in explaining what it means:
Social media simply is user generated content that is exchanged through social interaction, powered by technology, and in the process co-creating value.

By that definition, the difference between social media and traditional media is really from the source of the information and content, and the level of social interaction involved. The content is generated laterally from ordinary citizens rather than the traditional top down method. The circulation is no longer restricted by subscription and users have a more immediate way to respond and feedback rather than just writing in to the newspaper forums, thereby subjecting their comments and opinions to censorship by a few gatekeepers.

Before we carry on, let us take a quick glance at a brief history of the development of social media so we can appreciate the formation of this social phenomenon.

Setting The Stage

1971 – First email sent (computers were next to each other). Marks the possibility of electronic communication!
1991 – Launch of THE Internet. The Internet existed since the late 1960s, as a network, but the World Wide Web became publicly available on August 6, 1991.
1994 – Geocities Founded. Users can conveniently own spaces in cyberspace and publish their information and thoughts. Signals the first form of social media.
1997 – The word “blog” is coined. Blogging is popularized from 1999 to mid 2000s. User generated content gains momentum.

Social Networking Begins

1997 – AOL Instant Messaging introduced. The first taste of “online chat” that forged a need to stay in touch instantaneously in future generations.
1997 – Sixdegrees.com launched. Sixdegrees.com is the first manifestation of the social networking format that today’s popular social networks are modeled upon.
2002 – Friendster launched. Friendster pioneered online connections to real world friends! Sets a model for future social networking sites.
2003 – Myspace launched. It became the first social networking site to hit 100 million members in 2006. Businesses take notice of social networks’ monetary potential.
2004 – Facebook launched. Dethroned Myspace to be the number one social network. Currently still number one, with an active membership of 750 million as of July 2011.
2006 – Twitter launched. The rise of a new social media niche for “microblogging.”
2011 – Google+ is launched in Beta stage. Originally, membership was “by invitation only” but even then, it proved to be fastest growing social network ever with 25 million users in two months when it had not yet been opened to the public.
2012 – Facebook expects to hit its 1st billionth member. If Facebook were a country, it would be the 3rd largest nation simply by sheer number of members.

Examples Of Social Media

To most of us, our social media vocabulary is probably limited to a few words like Facebook and Twitter. However, there is a whole new spectrum of social media platforms available. Here is a list of several types of social media and what it is for:

Social Networking: Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+
An online community of people (not necessarily friends) where you can add friends, share contents, and send messages. They are usually grouped by common interest.

Social Bookmarking: Digg, Delicious, StumbleUpon
Social bookmarking essentially allows users to share their favorite web content with others while creating an online bookmark that users can refer to later on. Each bookmark can be counted as a vote and this will in turn dynamically show the most popular pages in that community.

Blogs: Wordpress, Blogger, Tumblr, Typepad, etc.
Blogs are simply online journals where users can type in content of their interest. The users’ community can follow the latest blog entry. Blogs usually involve longer content as compared to micro blogging, where content is limited to a certain number of words per post.

Wikis: Wikipedia, WikiTravel, WikiHow
A wiki simply is a website where content is contributed collaboratively by its users. It has an open editing concept whereby anyone can add or edit the information.

Photo Sharing: Photobucket, Flickr
Photo sharing sites allows users to share photos with other users, privately or with a selected group of people.

Video Sharing: YouTube, GodTube, Vimeo, yesHeis.com
Video sharing sites allows users to upload user generated videos to share with the rest of the world. The videos can be shared on other social media platforms.

Geolocation: FourSquare, Facebook Places
Geolocation refers to the sharing of one’s current location with his or her social connections through GPS from a mobile device. For example, I can inform my social network when I “check in” to a new restaurant round the corner so my network can be updated on my whereabouts.

Meetings/Events: Meetup.com, Facebook Event
This type of social media allows you to create, plan, organize, and manage events and meetings and share it throughout your social network. In return, people can RSVP and even give comments to the created events so you can approximate the response rate.

Social Reviews: TripAdvisor, hotel.com
Social reviews refer to directories of products and services reviewed by people who have previously used the products or services. You can literally review anything nowadays. From restaurants and hotels, to spas and computers, research has shown that consumers trust user reviews 38 times more than standard advertisements!

Consider This…

Am I too old for social media?
Facebook’s latest findings published in June shows that one of the most active membership growth ages are those in their 50s to 60s! ?

Can I control the content on social media?
Social media is not like traditional media. Just like you cannot predict someone’s reaction when you introduce the Gospel message to them, in the same way, you cannot expect people to respond kindly when you share on social media. The outcome is not decided by the message but by the content generated by the conversations and comments.

Is social media free?
Time invested to maintain a social media presence is significant. We are talking about opportunity cost here. So make the time you spend on social media worthwhile.

What has social media got to do with the Gospel?
Jesus told stories in a manner in which people of that generation can relate to. In the same way, we must deliver the Gospel in a relevant manner in our generation.

Wouldn’t it be very cold and distant if my community communicated on social media?
Yes, if you use social media as the only means of communication. But think about it in this way – imagine your face to face communication with your community can be carried on even when your community is not together. Social media is not to replace traditional communication forms but to extend and enhance the interaction beyond the traditional mediums.

It is not so much about what social platform you are on but rather what the message is – just like you cannot say that someone is a fantastic driver just by judging the type of car he is driving. The social media platform is the vehicle to drive your message to your community. But what good is the message of salvation if we do not have an audience? When Jesus said, “Therefore go and make disciples of all nations…” it only made sense to go to where the people are. Where are the people then? In this generation, the web is where the people congregate and through social media is the way they communicate. Facebook has over 750 million users presently and it is a matter of time before it hits a billion. At any one time, around 50% of these members are actively engaged on Facebook in conversations! That is a lot of people talking to each other! Among all this chatter, how much of it is about our message of hope and salvation?

The good thing about globalization is that it really does make the world a smaller place. The message of the Gospel has never been so readily available and the reach has never been wider.

The Challenge Ahead

Moving forward, what is the real challenge to engage this generation with the greatest story of all? Technology laggards who previously dismissed the eventual impact of social media on society find themselves in a very awkward situation where they have to learn to catch up. Hence, many “socially unskilled” folks jump onto the social media bandwagon just so they do not miss the boat. The question is, “Now that I’m registered on Facebook/Twitter/YouTube/Google+ etc, what’s next?”

Always remember, social media is nothing but a platform. What matters is still the message and the quality of the conversations. It is not what you say but what they perceive.

Daniel is currently an aspiring entrepreneur who enjoys good company whether online or offline. He was the conference director of the Eagles Leadership Conference 2011 held in July and is now part of the EaglesVantagePoint team.

She wanted to find out, through me, if SM has caused us to be, what I call, “altogether separate,” where people get closer yet drift further simultaneously through the rampant and seemingly irrepressible utilization of SM.

I’d be required to go “cold turkey” from all SM platforms. For me, that’d mean no Twitter,
Facebook, Tumblr, YouTube, Instagram, WordPress, and all online chatting platforms for 72 hours. She even told me that her colleague, Daniel Xu (who obviously stalked me), declared me to be “quite the social media fanatic” and “the perfect person for which to conduct this.”

I feel like a lab rat.

Anyway, I asked her for a week to consider this challenge but secretly, I am always game for something radical.

August 22, 2011
Sheryl the scientist emailed me again. She took the one week quite literally and even bargained the cold turkey period down to 48 hours to secure me as her lab rat.

Being the kind youth pastor that I am (it’s true), I agreed and asked her for the perimeters of this experiment. I must have made her a happy editor…

And my goodness – she replied immediately. This time, with an intimidating laundry list of experimentation rules and regulations. Read: lab rat.

August 30, 2011
My SM fast has begun.

I’ve turned off ALL email and application alerts on my laptop, mobile, and tablet. I’m
connected to so many platforms I took 15 minutes just to disable notifications!

Strangely, I anticipate a productive 72 hours. There’s an event to coordinate, a sermon to write, a cell lesson to teach and I’m halfway through my budgeting and ministry action plans for 2012; this is an appropriate time to fast from SM!

Here’s my final 140-character tweet:

“My 3-day cold turkey from ALL Social Media platforms has begun; I’ve turned off ALL notifications and I’ll be back in 72 hrs. Gonna be fun!”

All right, it’s 1:40am, barely twenty minutes into my cold turkey and I already feel the urge to…Sleep. This experiment will delight my fiancée most because she always urges me (out of love) to sleep earlier.

First benefit felt – more rest. Girlfriend and mother are instantly happier people.

August 31, 2011 (Day 1)
10:00 /// My overnight incoming emails halved! As I commuted to work, I caught up on
world, national, and sports news instead of tweets and status updates. The temptation to
(conveniently) click on one of my bookmarks or apps is real but bearable.

15:00 /// I find myself wanting to share my candid thoughts (via Twitter and Facebook) and visual observations (via Instagram and Tumblr) but this ban prohibits me. I believe that the need to speak and be heard drives people to be active on SM; to an extent, validation and acknowledgement can be good for the soul and self-esteem.

18:00 /// Several times through the day, I flirted with the idea of using Facebook to contact my youths for work purposes. Perhaps a dearth of SM could prove to be inconvenient if one works with youths? WhatsApp and SMS suddenly become significant again for regular communication.

22:30 /// I desperately want to get onto Facebook now. My fiancée told me that my cousin just posted new pictures of my one day old niece (yes, Jubilee Yim was born yesterday!). I guess SM makes the sharing of the precious moments of life accessible and convenient. This is all Sheryl’s fault!

23:30 /// Contrary to popular belief, the absence of SM didn’t lead me to accomplish
exceptionally more work. Yes, I did redeem time by not drifting away in SM, but I didn’t save the world by stopping myself from updating my status, tweeting or posting a photo. So there, nothing mind-blowing, history-making or world-changing happened today.

September 1, 2011 (Day 2)
09:30 /// SM helps me to stalk my youths; I’m subscribed to nearly 150 blogs via Google
Reader and frankly, it’s barely enough because I aim to track down every one of the 300
youths in my ministry. I tell them that I stalk them out of love (strange, but true!) so it’s a
good thing that this ban lasts just 72 hours. I miss busybody-ing over their lives! When I view their blogs, I read about what’s happening in their lives (and heads) and this gives me an adequate enough preview of how they’re doing as a whole. Of course, nothing beats meeting up but I can’t meet everyone so I try to read about them instead. Either way, their blog content also provides good conversational currency during meet-ups. Furthermore, (I reckon) most youths think it’s cool that their youth pastor reads their blogs. So yes, SM can be immensely useful as a networking tool among youths.

11:30 /// I believe I’m neither addicted to nor in need of SM. The urge to check Facebook or Twitter wanes as the hours pass. I’m halfway through the cold turkey and (unsurprisingly) I haven’t had any withdrawal symptoms. Life goes on. SM, you are
overrated!

15:00 /// Half the day has past, and I must admit that this ban has helped me to be more
effective and efficient at work because I’m more focused. It has also increased my
concentration and productivity levels. The cause of distraction isn’t the voluntary checks on Facebook or Twitter but the notifications that come in to take your attention away from the task at hand.

17:00 /// Honestly, I think three days is too short a period to determine the effects of SM in our lives. You won’t be able to accomplish anything out-of-the-norm that’s worth a shout out. So what if I can’t share my life online? I’m not losing anything of worth.

23:45 /// It’s been a long day. My day begins at 7:00 am tomorrow and I still have today’s work to complete. The last thing on my mind now is SM. Tonight, I told my fiancée that I’m actually enjoying this cold turkey and I may continue it in some aspects.

September 2, 2011 (Day 3)
06:45 /// 48 hours have passed and it’s enough for my postmortem. For me, SM is a social utility, not a social necessity. You use it, not need it, to make life more convenient and work more effective. But SM will continue to alter the way we communicate with real people. Frankly, anyone who deals with youths (whether a pastor, social worker, parent, teacher or youth leader) should employ SM as a key weapon in their arsenal for reaching youths, but not deploy it diagnostically. It provides only a synopsis, at best.

22:45 /// It’s been such a hectic day that I don’t even have the mental capacity to think
about SM. Three days is more than enough to wean off SM and I’m living proof of it. The cold turkey ends in a couple of hours but there’s little or no anticipation. It merely marks the end of this experiment. No confetti necessary.

01:30 /// The hour cometh and proves to be an anticlimax as expected. This was how I
signaled my return via Twitter:

“I am back. I have not missed you. Life is better without you. You are helpful to me. I shall control you. You shall not consume me. HELLO.”

September 3, 2011
I’ve counseled youths who are capable of spilling their hearts on their blogs and yet
incapable of sharing anything beyond the superficial vis-a-vis; they’d rather tweet than talk to people about it.

Some of us may frown upon this undesirable behavior, but there is almost nothing we can do to stop this mentality from proliferating. So if we can’t halt SM, we must learn to
manage it and ride along with those who have already been institutionalized by it.

Like it or loathe it, SM is here to stay and has become (an integral) part of our lives. We
should neither shun nor slime it, but subsume it into our daily routine. However, due to its highly-addictive nature (that may potentially consume us), we must learn to set perimeters for using it, otherwise it will distract us from and destroy our priorities.

I will be the first to admit that SM is important, not because I need to use it, but because it is important to the people I love and care for; hence, it is of value to me. I will use SM as a tool to reach and communicate with this generation of youths for it is their preferred platform of conversation.

Those who are one with SM will never understand my liberation until they embark on a cold turkey themselves. To celebrate the end of my SM fast, I have decided on two simple applications:

• I’m not reactivating my email notifications. I know this will change my life.

• I will only spend the excesses of my time on it, capped at thirty minutes per day.

Final word: You have nothing to lose except your time.

Joey Asher Tan is a 27 year old stalker in his youth ministry of 300 young people (aka a youth pastor) in Grace Assembly of God Church, Singapore. He attempts to use (and sometimes abuse) social media to remain young. To see what he’s been up to (and how this cold turkey experience has changed him), follow him on Twitter @joeyashertan and check out his blog at joeyasher.com.

In social anthropology, polygamy is simply defined as “the practice of marriage to more than one spouse at one time.” Many Christians are in a state of confusion and uncertainty as to what the Bible teaches, does not teach or is silent on the subject of the practice of polygamy.

Polygamy may be abhorrent to most Christians, but in the Asian community it is considered common or even normal and acceptable. There are plural marriages in other parts of the world as well. Although the percentage of men in the world who have more than one wife is relatively small, as many as a third of the world’s population belongs to communities and faiths that allow this practice.

Polygamy still exists in some form among upper class members of some societies. Traditionally, it was not uncommon for wealthy Chinese men to have two, three or even four wives. One of the reasons is that there is traditional emphasis on procreation and the continuity of the family name. It is considered shameful or accursed if the wife is barren and does not bear children, especially sons. The man then marries another wife in order to perpetuate the descendants of the family. The wives have different duties and often shared responsibilities raising their children. Multiple wives or mistresses are also the standard trappings of the wealthy, powerful, and successful. Polygamy often becomes a status symbol denoting these expressions. Some men who could not find sexual satisfaction from their spouses or have strong sexual desires sought extra-marital affairs. Some men are just promiscuous.

Even in societies which formally prohibit polygamy, social opinion is indifferent on persons maintaining mistresses or engaging in serial monogamy. This traditional mindset continues to exist in developed society. The trend is gaining popularity, minus the formal and official marriage. Christians have been facing a varied magnitude of challenges regarding the issue of polygamy. This will never cease as long as Christians live their faith based on emotion, human rationalization, and not on strong personal conviction of what is morally right.

One of the tough questions confronting us today that needs serious examination is: “Is it right for a Christian who was married to two or more wives before conversion, to continue having the wives and still be responsible in providing for them?”

Some reactions against it or for it are purely emotive; in ways unknown, this subject touches deep personal issues. The basic problems causing this confusion can be reduced to the loss of biblical discipline, knowledge of the Scriptures or wisdom in dealing with each situation.

In attempting to deal with this issue objectively from an evangelical view point, we need to make a few assumptions and observations:

• While there were instances of polygamy recorded in the Old Testament, evangelicals reiterate the stand for monogamy as opposed to polygamy (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:6).
• There are no standard or general or straight forward solutions to every situation related to the issues faced by the polygamists. Each situation is different and requires situational ethics and biblical discipline.
• The situation must be assessed from whether it happened before or after their conversion. Biblical commands cannot be imposed or applied on persons who were not Christians.
• The biblical knowledge on the issue of marriage, divorce, and re-marriage as stated in the New Testament such as Matthew 5:31-32; 19:3–12; Mark 10:11-12; 1 Corinthians 7:10-17 is essential and needs to be considered when dealing with the issue from a biblical perspective.

Allow me to illustrate with a case study. Mr A, who was a non believer, married two women Madam B and Madam C. In August 2010, Mr A together with his first wife Madam B came to the saving grace of our Lord Jesus Christ at a church evangelistic meeting, but not his second wife Madam C (I intentionally created this situation of only one wife becoming Christian). He continues to live with the two wives under one roof.

The following are some probable suggestions or comments made by different individuals, including spiritual leaders:

• How can Mr A have two wives if he is a Christian? He is living in sin!
• Mr A should choose and live with his first wife, now that they are equally yoked.
• He cannot abandon either of them. He should continue to give them equal attention and to divide his time between the two. One pastor suggested that days 1, 3, and 5 to be given to the first wife; and days 2, 4, and 6 to the second wife. (He will have to sleep in the lounge on Sunday!)
• Mr A should opt for the one he loves most (that was the reason why he decided to remarry).
• He should choose celibacy as a way of avoiding sin (very unlikely this would happen).

Mr A has now experienced a new life! What happens now after his conversion? How should he respond to his present situation? What necessary and appropriate steps need to be taken? Based on my understanding of Scripture, Mr A should break away from his pre-conversion lifestyle. He should choose to live with only ONE wife of his ultimate choice. However, he should not DIVORCE any one of them. Mr A has the responsibility to fulfill all the other needs of the other wife and her dependent family members.

It is too presumptuous to conclude Mr A has committed sin, just by looking at his present situation. The pertinent question we need to ask is, “When did this polygamy happen, before or after conversion?” In this instance, his polygamist lifestyle happened before conversion. A non believer may not have the knowledge of the Scripture; neither can he be compelled to follow the teachings and commands of the Bible. The biblical discipline from 2 Corinthians 5:17 and 1 John 1:9 would precede all human rationale, preferences or prejudices. Upon conversion, Mr A is now a new creation and his past sins have been forgiven. He needs to demonstrate true repentance, i.e., to turn away from the old life of slavery, and to embrace a new life of devotion to Christ based on His teachings and commands.

The appropriate actions and solutions to this long drawn dilemma need to be considered carefully from the perspective of polygamy and divorce as described in the Bible. The premise against polygamy is based on the foundation of His creation when God made man and woman. The Scripture in Genesis 2:24 says that God’s original intention was for one man to be married to only one woman: “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his WIFE, and they will become ONE flesh” (emphasis mine). The consistent use of the singular should be noted.

Ephesians 5:22-33 specifically describes an ideal marital relationship. When referring to a husband (singular), it always also refers to a wife (singular). “For the husband is the head of the wife (singular)…He who loves his wife (singular) loves himself. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife (singular), and the two will become one flesh…each one of you also must love his wife (singular) as he loves himself, and the wife (singular) must respect her husband (singular).”

Therefore, if polygamy is allowed, the entire illustration of Christ’s relationship with His body (the Church) and the husband-wife relationship falls apart. Therefore Mr A has only one option, i.e., ONE wife (herein defines as physical union with only one flesh). The situation at hand can also be understood from the view point of marriage, divorce, and remarriage. Matthew 19:6: “So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate” gives evidence of the indissoluble relationship of the joint lives of man and woman.

Mr A’s polygamy took place before conversion, a situation he created earlier. Legally or biblically, both women are his wives. On the premise of the above verses, as long as the wife is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. Therefore, as a Christian, it is wrong for Mr A to divorce any one of them. Conversely, he is only allowed to have physical intimacy with one.

How would you evaluate the fruit of true repentance for Mr A? Does it mean that he should be reunited with his first wife, who is now a believer? Perceptibly, she is the first wife and scripturally, she is more qualified to be equally yoked with the Christian husband. The instruction given in 1 Corinthian 7 evidently expresses that as long as the wife is willing to remain with the husband, including the non believing wife, he should not divorce her. The pre and post conversion scenarios, therefore, give no space to any one of the wives, to claim who has more right or who is more privileged. The same chapter indicated very clearly that only if one person died, he or she should remarry with one who is in the Lord. Therefore, the conversion of Madam B does not give her the sole right to be reunited with her husband on the basis of being “equally yoked.” The ultimate decision rests in Mr A to choose whom he loves most.

A more complex situation would be: “Should the two wives live under the same roof with Mr A?” Again, one would receive emotive answers. Most would express compassion and fairness, some would consider practicality, and others prefer relational expediency.

My answer is “Not to stay under one roof!” The obligation to provide for the needs of the other wife and her dependent children is not negotiable. But alternate arrangement needs to be made for the following reasons: What would be the perception of non believers in the neighborhood or friends or relatives towards Mr A’s lifestyle? They will continue to perceive him as practicing polygamy. His Christian witness will be in jeopardy.

How would you deal with the potential temptation of sexual sins or adultery? If the wife he consummates with decided to be away from home for two weeks, Mr A may succumb to the temptation of having intimacy with the other wife. Unconsciously, as the opportunity arises, Mr A may continue to live in secret sin. This is adultery as described in the Bible.

How would you handle the emotional and relational tension of the two spouses, and possibly their children? It is difficult to avoid the prevailing stress caused by jealousy, unintentional or intentional competition, and conflict. The preferential treatment or perceived prejudice expressed by the adults may inadvertently be misconstrued as favoritism or discrimination. It would definitely aggravate the relationship of their children as well.

In attempting to assist those involved in this dilemma, we cannot be impulsive and dogmatic. The approach needs to be wrapped with patience, gentleness, mercy, and understanding, especially towards the injured parties. It takes time and requires divine wisdom and spiritual understanding to provide adequate and appropriate pastoral counseling.

Rev Wong Kim Kong was the Secretary-General of the National Evangelical Christian Fellowship of Malaysia for 12 years prior to being named its Executive Advisor. He serves as board member and advisor to 25 Christian organizations and special government committees both in Malaysia and overseas. Kim Kong plays a significant prophetic role in articulating Evangelical Christian responses to government policies impacting religious liberty, the Church and society in Malaysia. In recognition for his national contribution, he was conferred “The Most Distinguished Order of National Chivalry-Third Order” by the Malaysian King. Kim Kong is the author of the book Living and Leading with Limitations. He is married to Serene and has three sons.