I found my first (and thankfully last) girlfriend at the ripe old age of 26. It was such an old age to get attached for a 21st century Singaporean that my irritating little brother often took the liberty of asking if I was actually a closet gay. To his dismay, I was not.

I would like to say that as a mature Christian, I dealt with my years as a single with a divine peace from the Holy Spirit, and made the best use of my single years serving God and others. But the truth is, that happened only about five percent of the time. The rest of the time I was fretting and wondering if I would get attached soon, if ever.

You see, since I was nine years old – I started early – there were a string of girls and ladies whom I was attracted to. A quick count yields about 14 faces that I can remember (sadly, being a guy who thinks with his instincts and not his brains, I cannot recall all their names). I guess one can say that I was “oozing desperation.”

Of course, being attracted to someone is different from being attached to someone. Of those 14 faces, only one was naïve enough to go on a date with me. Coincidentally, she is my ex-girlfriend and current wife. What happened to the others? Oh the usual story: I was either too shy or they did not like me. Sometimes it was because we could not click. I usually found that out when I told them a joke and they would look at me in a strange way as if wondering, “D-did he just tell a joke? Am I supposed to laugh right now?”

As I got older, many of my friends were getting themselves attached or even married. Saturday nights were and still are the most popular night for dates. Which meant that on many Saturday nights, I was stuck with my best friend “myself.” So after a Saturday evening jog, me and myself would often go to the neighborhood McDonald’s and eat a burger (or two) whilst reading a book. This particular McDonald’s was very quiet on Saturday nights, which meant that no one I knew went there. Which was all the better for my friend “myself,” as he was quite a sensitive guy. Which leads to my next point.

What was more difficult than the loneliness and rejections was the psychological factor. What did people think of me? Did they think something was wrong with me? Am I strange? Why am I even caring about what others thought about me? I need to be more rested in God! Should I go for this outing? What if the people think I am going because I am desperate? I wish I had more single friends to hang out with…

Those were all very real struggles that I had to go through.

Looking back, there were advantages to being single that I should have treasured more, instead of being so self-absorbed about my loneliness. I remember when I was in my second year of university, my mentor Alex told our fellowship, “I miss the times when I was not married. I had countless hours to read theological books that helped me to understand God more. Now even if I wanted to, there’s just no time.” I thought the guy was seriously nuts. Back then, what all of us young stallions could focus on was to get a girlfriend, have fun, not be laughed at anymore, and finally settle down. And here was this nutcase talking about having more time to read theological books. The man was seriously too holy for me.

As they say, hindsight is always clearer. Now I see the wisdom of his words. As a single, there is far more time for activities to be done. When I was a single, one whole week of undisturbed spiritual retreat was possible. Now, my time also belongs to my wife. A few days of undisturbed spiritual retreat is no problem, but one whole week would seem a little bit irresponsible for a doting husband. And vice versa too. My wife, whose hobby is to read books, used to be able to spend quiet afternoons browsing in the library. Now whenever she is in the library, a grouchy man may be looking over her shoulder, wondering when it is time to leave. My wife sometimes looks back with a tad bit of sadness over her loss of freedom.

Of course with marriage comes companionship. Someone to fight life’s battles with, someone to laugh with, someone to grow old with. Loneliness may be less of a problem in marriage – but let me just say that being married to someone does not solve all problems of loneliness. There are some married people out there who are actually quite lonely individuals. True companionship, I believe, can only be found in a relationship with one’s Maker. Only in Him can one be truly satisfied. And once a person’s relationship with his Maker is made right, all his other relationships will naturally fall in place.

So what am I saying? I am saying that being single is, at times, not an easy journey. But it is not an impossible journey. In fact, many times it is strangely enjoyable, with much freedom to spend with God and with many friends.

So if you are single and reading this, please enjoy the stint. Because this is one stint that may come around only once in a lifetime.

Eric Sung works as an Executive (Ministry) at Eagles Communications. He worships at Covenant Evangelical Free Church with his ex-girlfriend Angeline.